What Was Magneto Thinking?
by Queen of Gambitia Minion
Summary: Magneto has a new mission for the Acolytes...(FIN)
1. And the mission is!

**Minion's first fic, and like the Queen of Gambitia she hopes it doesn't show too badly...so yeah. I don't own these characters (not from lack of trying on MY part...stupid Marvel and their copyrights...) Read and Enjoy (and review?? pwetty please??) **  
  
"Acolytes!!!! Get down to my office NOW!!!" Magneto yelled into the intercom. He was mildly pleased to hear his Acolytes scrambling down the hall, hurrying to do his bidding. His very evil bidding, of course.   
  
The Acolytes ran into Magneto's office. At least, most of them did. Pyro walked in several minutes after the rest, staring intently at the lighter that he was flicking on and off in his hand. Everyone looked at him for several seconds. Pyro was totally oblivious. Magneto cleared his throat.   
  
"Pyro?" Magneto asked, trying to get the Australian's attention. Pyro, however, was too entranced by the beauteous flickering flame in his hand. Currently, the flame looked something like a squirrel tied to a stake with multiple people running in circles around it. They may have been dancing. Magneto sighed and used his oh-so-wonderful metal-controlling powers to take the lighter out of John's hands.   
  
"Ey, mate, that's my lighter you just took," John said, very clearly stating the obvious in a high, obnoxious, whiny voice, "Give it back!"   
  
"You may have it at the end of our little meeting...if you pay attention," Magneto told him threateningly. John looked as though being separated from his lighter for such a painfully long amount of time would make him cry. In fact, it was. Small little tears were welling up into John's eyes as he made the best puppy-dog face he could. Magneto did his best to ignore the tiny sniffling noises coming from John's corner as he turned to the rest of the Acolytes. "I have a mission for you-" Magneto began, but he was cut off by Gambit.   
  
"If dis involves inflatable inner tubes, boy bands, squirrels, or rubber duckies Remy's not doin' it," Remy stated, remembering the numerous missions that had ended in total disaster. Most had involved one of the previously named objects.   
  
"I can assure you that none of those shall be involved in this mission...unless you take a bath, in which rubber duckies may become involved," Magneto said, tired of the interruptions. Magneto apparently has a very low tolerance level, because there really haven't been that many.   
  
"RUBBER DUCKIES?!!" Sabertooth cried from his little corner in a very excited, girly voice, "Uhm, I mean, rubber duckies..." he quickly corrected himself as he noticed everyone staring at him with rather disturbed expressions.   
  
"So, vhat is this mission we are to be doing?" Colossus asked.   
  
"If you would let me finish my sentences, I would tell you," Magneto said, silently fuming, "Your mission is..." he paused for dramatic effect, "to..." all the Acolytes leaned in closer to hear...   
  
"BABY-SIT!!" Magneto cried in triumph, pleased at giving such an enriching challenge to his Acolytes. The Acolytes, meanwhile, were gaping at him. Pyro recovered first.   
  
"Baby-sit? As in, watch a little tyke?"   
  
"Yes, that is what you will be doing-"   
  
"Can I burn it?!!!!"   
  
"Most certainly not!!! Comrade, ve are talking about a living being!!!" Colossus cried, stunned to hear such a thing. Of course, living with John, he should have been used to that sort of talk.   
  
"Perhaps I should keep your lighter..." Magneto threatened. Pyro blanched at the mere thought.   
  
"NO!!! I SWEAR I'LL BE GOOD!!! DON'T TAKE AWAY MAH SHEILA!!!" Pyro cried. Magneto grinned, pleased to have come up with such a good threat.   
  
"You will be watching the baby. I shall be at Mordo's Steakhouse. Charles was ever so kind and invited me to dinner," Magneto said, floating out of the room and down towards Mordo's. The Acolytes all looked at each other.   
  
"So vere is this child?" Piotr asked.   
  
"Don' know, don' care," Remy answered, leaning against the wall (and you all know how he leans::drool::).   
  
"Ey, mates, Magneto took mah lighter with him when 'e left," John sniffled, "Can you help me hunt him down so I can get mah lighter back and burn him?"   
  
"Comrade!" Piotr cried, once again shocked.   
  
"Y'know, dat might be interestin'..." Remy thought out loud.   
  
"Rem? Could ya 'elp a poor lil' pyro?" John practically begged.   
  
"Gambit! I am not believing that you are considering this!" Piotr definitely did not like this discussion.   
  
"Remy t'inks 'e will," Remy broke into a smirk (::drool::) and walked toward the door. John let out a little whoop of happiness and ran out after him. Piotr sighed and debated following them to make sure they didn't severely injure _too_ many people, but then remembered Magneto's orders about the baby and decided to look for it instead. He figured it would be easier watching a baby than watching a fire-crazed Australian and a sane but somewhat bizarre Cajun.   
  
------------------------   
  
John and Remy were hiding in the bushes at Mordo's Steakhouse. They had driven Remy's motorcycle there, and were currently waiting for Magneto to come out so they could jump him and take back John's lighter.   
  
"Eh, Rem?" John asked.   
  
"What?" Remy hissed quietly back. Being a thief, he knew the importance of stealth. And he also knew that people walking past were giving them strange looks.   
  
"I...I think I'm going into fire withdrawal..." John sounded like he was going to cry for about the sixth time this night, "It's been so long since I had mah Sheila..." Remy sighed.   
  
"Come on, dis is takin' too long. Let's jus' go in dere and get Magneto," Remy said, already moving toward the front door. He didn't want to hear John cry again. John followed.   
  
"Do you have reservations?" A random maitre'd asked them as the pair walked into what might well have been the fanciest restaurant on the face of the earth.   
  
"Remin' me to take Rogue here..." Remy told John. John wasn't listening, however, because he had just noticed all of the candles that flickered at every table in the place.   
  
"I can' believe dis is a steakhouse..." Remy continued, looking towards John. At least, where John had been several seconds earlier. John had vacated that spot and was moving towards the main dining room, drooling slightly and moving like a zombie. His eyes were reflecting the candlelight and he looked like the madman he was. Some of the diners were edging away. Most were giving John weird looks. He's been receiving lots of those tonight. Remy noticed what was happening and slapped his forehead, then turned and walked out of the building. He didn't want to be there when all hell broke loose.   
  
Meanwhile, John was cackling madly and making all the fire dance. People were screaming. Magneto had been having a wonderful conversation with Charles about the molecular stability of various hominids, and was not happy about this interruption.   
  
"PYRO!" He bellowed. John took a moment from his fire-induced high-in-the-sky-ness to notice someone had called his name. Then he went back to the fire dance. Magneto closed his eyes and silently counted to ten.   
  
"Isn't that one of your henchmen, Magnus?" Xavier asked.   
  
"Unfortunately," Magneto answered before making all the metal in the room spin really really fast and create a lot of wind so it blew out the fire. John looked somewhat mortified.   
  
"Mah fire!" He cried.   
  
"Pyro! Explain yourself!" Magneto demanded.   
  
"What? Oh, right mate...well, you took mah lighter, so me and Rem came here to get it, and then I saw all the candles, and I swear I couldn't help mahself! All the fire and the burning and the fire..." Pyro explained before trailing off and looking...like he was in love. Magneto sighed.   
  
"Here is your lighter. Get out of my sight. Go watch the baby," Magneto turned back to Charles. John left. The people who had been hiding behind overturned tables got up.   
  
"'Ey, where'd Remy go?" John wondered, looking around the parking lot. He couldn't see Remy anywhere, or his motorcycle.   
  
"If he ditched me..." The flames emitting from John's lighter grew steadily larger.   
  
------------------------   
  
"Da, vhat shall we call him?" Piotr asked. Remy looked at him funny.   
  
"One, de kid probably already has a name, two, it's a girl." ****"Nyet, it is a boy. And we do not know his name."   
  
"It's a GIRL, homme."   
  
"It is not, I say we check and see who is right."   
  
"Fine den, but only if you check, mon ami."   
  
"Very well," Piotr said. Inside, Piotr wasn't really all gung-ho about looking down a living, breathing, human being's pants. Heck, he didn't really want to look down a dead, not-breathing human being's pants either. But then he reminded himself that he was the responsible Acolyte and it was his duty to be a good role model for Pyro and Gambit (Both of whom, in Piotr's opinion, needed one.) Plus, Piotr couldn't have Remy proving him wrong. So Piotr, with an undetectable hint of hesitation (wtf? undetectable hint, that's real good...), checked.   
  
**WOOHOO!!! How's the first chappie? Good?? Bad?? Pweese tell me!!!! Oh, and suggestions for gender and names are welcome!!!**


	2. Wherein we learn about diapers

**I'm back!!! That didn't take too long, did it?  
And now to thank my reviewers!!! And hopefully attract more!!!  
  
Lunarious- Umm...thanks. That was a copy/paste review, but you were my FIRST review so I must thank you.   
  
frost-bite hurts- love the name! Did I update soon enough for you?   
  
FireStarter911- Pretty names...but I was looking for strange names, because the Acolytes are a bit tweaked in the head and they'd name a kid something really stupid (like Moon Unit.. heh heh). Thanks for reviewing, and suggesting things. You're the only one who did.   
  
Bronwynne- That's what I thought when the idea popped into my head...and then I wondered if I was consuming too much sugar...I'm currently eating a three-foot-long pixy stick.   
  
Oh yeah... I chose a really bad spot to stop...but I wanted to post so I apologize.   
  
**   
  
And so Piotr looked.   
  
DUN DUN DUUUNNN.....   
  
"A HA!" Remy yelled, leaping into the air in triumph. He had been leaning over Piotr's shoulder when Piotr...checked. Remy did a little jig before realizing that he was the bish Acolyte and, as such, did not do little jigs, so he stopped. Piotr looked at him strangely.   
  
"We need t' get out more, homme," Remy said, trying to save face. "Indeed," was Piotr's answer.   
  
"Why was dat such a big deal again?"   
  
"I do not know."   
  
"Well...it's a girl," Remy said, looking at the small, sleeping, oblivious child.   
  
"Ve should call her...Keety," Piotr said.   
  
"Isn't dat one o' de X-Men?"   
  
"Possibly..."Piotr answered, looking all shifty-eyed.   
  
------------------------   
  
Pyro had thought Remy leaving him behind had been the worst thing in the world. But we all know what a cruel thing fate is, and so Pyro found himself walking home in a downpour of rain (question: just what else would downpour?) Our lovely little pyromaniac was cursing Remy in seventeen languages (19 if you count American-English, British-English, and Australian-English different languages...which they aren't...but I think they have different swears...and this is pointless...)   
  
"I HATE YOU REMY!" John shrieked to the sky. A man passed by him, huddled down in his raincoat but still managing to give Pyro a very strange look.   
  
"YEAH WELL I THINK YOU'D BE SHOUTING TOO IF YOU GOT ABANDONED IN THE RAIN!!" John screamed at the retreating back of the hapless man. He then proceeded to, once again, try to light his lighter. He got a spark that was immediately killed by the torrential torrent of rain. Then psychotic genius struck John. He darted into a store and tried to light his lighter in the dry interior of a Wal-Mart. He got another spark that fizzled into nothingness. John was going to go...more insane than he currently was.   
  
"Hey you!" John shouted at the manager, "Where d'ya keep the lighters?"   
  
"Sorry sir, we don't sell lighters here."(A/N: What?! No lighters at a Wal-Mart?!!)   
  
John's scream could be heard from the Acolyte's little metal dome base-thingy-ish-...thing.   
  
"What was dat?" Remy asked, taking a break from his debate with Piotr over the little baby's name.   
  
"I am not knowing, comrade. Her name should be...Keety."   
  
"Is dat de only name y'know, mon ami? I say Belladonna."   
  
"No, Belladonna is too long."   
  
"Den we'll call 'er Belle."   
  
"No. Vhe shall call her Keety."   
  
"How 'bout a compromise?" Remy said, not really interested in continuing this conversation, "How 'bout we call her..." Remy paused, not able to come up with any name except 'Rogue'. The TV blaring in the background provided him with a name.   
  
"...Bertha!"   
  
"Uhm...alright," Piotr agreed.   
  
------------------------   
  
John trudged up to the big metal base that housed the Acolytes. He had searched through several shops before finding another lighter, and now that lighter was tightly clutched in his fist in a pathetic attempt to keep it dry (Not that he thought that the wetness caused his lighter to stop working...just a precaution. John needs his fire like Minion needs her three-foot-long pixy stix. 36 inches of pure sugar. oh yes. fear me.)   
  
John walked through the door into the dry, warm, well-lit base the Acolytes called 'Horatio' . Pyro was dripping water everywhere, but didn't really care seeing as how Remy, Piotr and he made Mastermind do all the janitor work around the base. It was because Mastermind was ugly, not because anyone had a personal problem with Mastermind. Except for his ugliness, of course.   
  
John dropped his trench coat on the floor and went off to find his friends. Mastermind scurried out of the corner and grabbed the coat before scurrying back. If you listened closely you may have heard "precious, precious coat it is, our precious now, stupid fat pyros..."   
  
------------------------   
  
2.23 MINUTES LATER!!!   
  
"Lemme get this straight," John said, "You guys chose, of all the names in the entire world, BERTHA?!"   
  
"Oui," Remy answered sheepishly, already regretting his choice somewhat. Unfortunately, he couldn't undo his decision because Piotr had fallen in love with the name Bertha. Piotr was currently on the floor playing with the little baby who shall now be referred to as 'Bertha'.   
  
"Then again, I suppose your name's Remy...and Piotr's is spelled really weird..." John said, more to his fire-loving self than to Remy.   
  
"Dis from a guy named St. John," Remy sneered.   
  
"Ya know what would be really cool?" John asked, "If I were sainted. Wouldn't that be awesome? And my name would by St. St. John!!!" John's eyes lit up, "I could be the patron saint of fire!!!"   
  
"Yeah..." Remy went back to watching his TV. The same one that had provided him with the name 'Bertha.'  
  
"So...how'd you two come up with the name 'Bertha'? 'Cause that's quite possibly the worst thing you could name a kid," John asked.   
  
"TV," Remy answered. Piotr and Bertha were playing on the floor. Bertha was crawling around and passed in front of the TV.   
  
"Aren't we just the cutest baby?! Yes we are, Bertha-snoogums..." Piotr cooed as he crawled behind the small child. He was following her as she romped around in her diapers.   
  
"Dat's disturbin'...I t'ink Petey's gettin' a bit caught up in dis, mon ami."   
  
"Too right mate...I think I'm gonna puke," as John said that a strange smell wafted through the room.   
  
"Ugh, Remy mate, warn me before ya do that."   
  
"I didn' do dat. Piotr?"   
  
"I believe it vas little Bertha."   
  
"Berthas can't be little. Bertha must be preceded by 'big'," John remarked intelligently. Wow. John can remark intelligently. Didn't know that was possible.   
  
"Vhatever...I think Bertha's pants might be...filled."   
  
"Merde. Anyone know how t' change a diaper?" Remy asked.   
  
"I could burn it..."   
  
"Great mon ami, too bad dat we don' need t' do dat."   
  
"I have never changed a diaper," Piotr remarked dryly from his little corner.   
  
"Remy neither...now what?" Remy asked. Everyone shrugged. Yes, everyone. Even little Bertha (whoops, it has to be BIG Bertha. so says Pyro and Pyro is always right. almost always.)   
  
Since no one had a clue, they went to find help. Did they phone up their mommies? Did they go buy a parenting book?   
  
Of course not. These are the Acolytes we're talking about.   
  
They went and found Sabertooth.   
  
Now, Sabertooth had left as soon as Magneto departed. Sabes had gone and had a lovely cup of tea with Logan (didn't ya know?? They're brothers!!), then he'd gone to the dog pound and harassed all of the poor lil' puppy dogs. Sabertooth hated dogs and took every opportunity to annoy, kill, harass, maim, mangle, and/or injure them.   
  
When the rest of the Acolytes found Sabertooth he was taking a nap, like kitty-cats tend to do. However, Sabertooth couldn't very well help the Acolytes asleep, so Remy, Piotr, and St. John would have to wake him up.   
  
God save us all.   
  
"Hey Sabertooth...wake up," Remy commanded as he prodded Sabertooth with his metal-y-staff-thing of death and green fumes. Remy got no results. Sabertooth slumbered on.   
  
"Sabertooth? Comrade?" Piotr asked while doing nothing else.   
  
"HEY VICCY!!! I GOT A NEW LIGHTER!!!" John screamed at twenty decibels while dancing around flicking said lighter on and off. This, sadly, failed to wake up the napping mutant. Which probably saved John's life, for if Sabes had just heard John refer to him as 'Viccy' John's life could be measured in milliseconds.   
  
"PYRO!!!" Remy yelled, trying to shout over Pyro and failing dismally. John was just too loud, and Remy just can't yell. So Remy left and went to go find some kitty treats. For Sabertooth, not himself. That would be gross.   
  
Meanwhile, Piotr and John were trying everything to get Sabertooth awake. They tried bullhorns, bulls, horns, rubber duckies, a car alarm, a bassoon, a little yippy dog, a big yippy dog, one of John's smelly shirts, an alarm clock, a blaring TV, a blaring stereo, a blaring fog horn, a snail, a random French dude, the Eiffel Tower, a metal rod, Professor Xavier, a starfish, sushi, a computer, three yippy dogs yipping in unison, three yippy dogs yipping in not-unison, a DVD, Rogue, and a potato chip. None worked. John and Piotr were out of ideas. That's when Remy returned with the kitty treats.   
  
"'Ere kitty, kitty," Remy said in that voice people use when they're trying to get helpless animals to come to them so they can kill, er, 'save' them. Remy waved the treat around. Sabertooth sniffed the air and bolted upright, jumped Remy, wrestled aforementioned kitty treat from Remy, and went back to bed.   
  
"So...now what?" John asked as he and Piotr helped a bloody Gambit to his feet. Bertha chose that moment to burst into tears.   
  
"Oh shit," John swore.   
  
------------------------   
  
** Wow...that was actually pretty long (for me, at least.) Don't name your kids Bertha, folks. It's cruel. Your kid could be a skinny little 2-foot-1 person weighing in at 35 pounds and he/she/it would still be known as "Big Bertha." You'll screw up your kid permanetly. Pity no one told the Acolytes... Could I get more reviews??? Like say...six??? That's not a lot!!! pweese???**


	3. The Conclusion of the Diaper Saga!

**Sorry, this chapter's really short...but we ran out of caffeinated beverages at my house...so the sugar-induced high-ness that usually fuels my crazyiness is gone. Until we go grocery shopping.  
  
And now... the shout-outs!!  
  
Lia Fail- Thanks, glad you like it. The only real reason they went to Sabertooth was that I realized I had kinda forgotten about him and needed to get him back in the story...but it worked out.  
  
FireStarter911- YAY!!! I have a repeat reviewer!!! I feel loved!!!  
  
childrenwithblades- About the A/N things, those are mostly me laughing at myself. I suppose I can stop and just laugh at myself in private. You'll notice I took your advice. There are NO author's notes in this chapter. And...the BH might be involved. I want to get the X-Men in eventually, just b/c I want a little romy and kiotr...and it would be fun to write the brotherhood...so maybe. And I will tell you how the baby got there when I know myself. I'll stop ranting now.  
  
MonkeyHead- What's origon? Is that a book or something? Anywho, I have written more. And you can't steal my pixy stick because one, I've eaten it all, and two, I have the Acolytes guarding it for me. So there. Thanks for reviewing. And Colossus does rule. They all rule.  
  
Sanity: Questionable- I like fried chicken...And you can't have my fic!!! EVER!!! It's mine!!! I'll stop now!!!  
  
print-out prison- I don't know why Magneto would have a baby. I don't even know if it's Magneto's baby (but if it is, he definitely had it with Mystique...come on, you ALL know who Kurt's real daddy is!!!) I just a weird idea that I simply HAD to make into a story. Thanks for reviewing.   
  
** Magneto and Xavier had already eaten their appetizers, first course, second course, and their third course, and were moving on to dessert.   
  
"What are you getting, Magnus?" Xavier asked.   
  
"Hmm-" Magneto began before a certain threesome ran into the restaurant for the second time that night.   
  
"Mags!!!" Pyro wailed, "Make it stop!!!"   
  
"Yes, please Lord Magneto!!!"   
  
"Svp monsieur, je prie de vous!!!"   
  
"What is the problem?" Magneto growled menacingly. His menacing growl had no effect on the Acolytes though, because they were far more terrified of the screaming child that Piotr held up.   
  
"I give you the simplest of tasks..." Magneto huffed, instantaneously assessing the situation,"First off, we'll need some diapers. Gambit, go get them."   
  
"We don' have any, monsieur."   
  
"Then go buy some!! And hurry back!!"   
  
"Oui monsieur!!!" Remy yelled over his shoulder as he dashed from the room. HAHA!!! He didn't have to listen to the baby scream any more!!!   
  
John and Piotr did, however, along with Magneto, Xavier, the waiter, and a few other people who had decided to stay at Mordo's until 11:30 at night.   
  
"Charles, if you please?" Magneto asked.   
  
"Anything for my best friend, Magnus!" Xavier replied as he wheeled up to baby Bertha and promptly used his mind powers to stop her crying, "That should do it until your lackey gets back."   
  
"Thank you ever so much Charles."   
  
"Yeah, thanks mister!!!" John felt compelled to add in. John was happy because the Acolytes had had to listen to high-pitched, ear-shatteringly loud screams for the half hour it took to get from Horatio (the Acolyte's big metal dome) to the restaurant.   
  
"So Magnus, tell me about your henchman," Xavier said.   
  
"I'd rather not, Charles."   
  
"I stopped the screaming. You owe me."   
  
"Very well..." Magneto acquiesced, "The red-head's crazy. The big one's responsible. The one that went to get the diapers will manage to kill himself before he turns thirty."   
  
"I see..."   
  
----------------------  
  
Meanwhile, Remy was at the same Wal-Mart John had run into earlier. While this Wal-Mart had no lighters, it did have diapers. It had a rather large selection of diapers too.   
  
Which leads us to Remy's current predicament.   
  
There were too many choices.   
  
"Diapers come in diff'rent sizes?" Remy asked himself, staring open-mouthed at the wall of colorful diaper packages, "Dis is goin' t' be harder den I t'ought."   
  
In the end, Remy had to settle for taking one of each. He got one of every type of diaper in the place and stuffed them all in his trench coat. His trench coat magically held them all because...this is Gambit's magical trench coat. Remy proceeded to leave the store with his coat-full of stolen diapers.   
  
"I'm back!" Remy cried as he waltzed back into Mordo's.   
  
"Vhere are the diapers, comrade?" Piotr asked because Remy wasn't holding anything and Remy's magical trench coat hid all the little bumps where the diapers were hidden.   
  
"Right here..." Remy answered as he emptied his coat. This was a rather long and laborious process, as there were a lot of diapers.   
  
"Um...Rem, did you get one of everything?" John asked, looking at the small mountain of diapers in front of them, "And how'd ya get all those in your coat?"   
  
"It's a secret!" Remy answered in a some-what childish voice.   
  
"Gentlemen, if we could focus..." Magneto interrupted, "One of you has to change it." All the Acolytes looked at each other in horror.   
  
"It ain' gonna be Remy!!" Remy cried.   
  
"Nor I!!" cried Piotr.   
  
"ICKY!!" cried John.   
  
So in the end Magneto ended up changing Bertha's diaper. He knew how because both Wanda and Pietro were his children and he probably changed their diapers...or we can pretend he did. Then he booted the Acolytes out of the restaurant and told them that if they were to annoy him again he would personally see to it that they never ever got any more of their much-beloved Hershey's S'mores candy bars. Ever.   
  
Back at the big metal dome the Acolytes were getting ready for bed. They all got into their pj's and then debated what to do with Bertha.   
  
"We should jus' leave her in de lil' basket she came in," Remy suggested.   
  
"But vhat if she needs something in the middle of the night?" Piotr asked.   
  
"Ever heard the expression 'sleeping like a baby'?" John chipped in, "She'll sleep all night."   
  
"Alright..." Piotr agreed, but he still had his doubts. So, the Acolytes dropped Bertha into the little basket she'd come in and went to their separate rooms for the night.   
  
** The poor boys...the poor, stupid boys....dang.  
  
Another chapter done!!! And once again I apologize for its shortness and ickeyness. I don't like this chapter and I can't figure out why.... Oh well.  
  
The cute lil' french phrase Remy says is "Please sir, I beg of you", and I know Cajun-French is different from Frenchy-French....but I don't know either. Or the difference between them. I only know what the translators tell me.  
  
The next chapter shall be better. And longer. I promise. And the more observant of you will notice I bumped the rating to PG-13...just because I realized I've been swearing a bit.**


	4. Of Steaks and Marinades!

**HIYO!!! I'm back!!! And still caffeinated-beverage deprived, but I had inspiration for this chapter!! Not really, but we can pretend!! Pretending is fun!!!  
  
Okay, I've been forgetting to do a disclaimer so...here it is!!!  
Disclaimer: I in no way, shape, or form, own X-Men: Evolution, and I do not labor under the illusion that I do. X-Men: Evolution is the sole property of Marvel Comics blah blah yadda yadda....If you read this I'm a proud little girl.   
  
What Marvel will never know is that I have genetically engineered exact replicas of all four Acolytes, plus Magneto, Toad, Wanda, Pietro, Rogue, Lance, and Xavier, in little cages in my basement. They're my friends!!! I talk to them when I'm bored.   
  
Shout-out time!!!   
  
childrenwithblades- That's probably my favorite part too...especially Remy's description. And you've repeat reviewed!!! I am loved!!  
  
whiterose934- That's why Bertha is one of the Top Ten Worst Names for A Girl. In my head anyway. And the Acolytes would be horrible parents. Bishie parents, but horrible.   
  
purpurean witch- I'll probably put in romy and kiotr, I can't promise jonda, because it's not a pairing I'm particularly fond of, but the Brotherhood is coming up in the next chapter. Or the one after it. very soon.   
  
FireStarter911- What?!? I've stopped your breathing?!?! Gah, I've killed the only person who's reviewed all three chapters!!! Now I'm not loved as much ::sniff::...   
  
Onto the fic!!!   
  
** -  
  
12:30 THAT NIGHT!!!   
  
John's room was the closest to the TV/Living/Recreation room that the Acolytes had put Bertha in. Thus, he was the one who was rudely awakened by her screams in the middle of the night.   
  
"Whazzat?" John asked sleepily. He then recognized the sound. And then he darted across the hall into Remy's room. No way was John going to face a crying baby alone.   
  
"Remy?" John whispered as he poked Remy, "Remy?" John said a little louder while poking a little harder...   
  
"REMY!!!" John screeched as he violently shook said sleeping person.   
  
"What?" Remy grumbled, blearily opening one red and black eye.   
  
"Remy, Bertha woke and now she's screaming and I don't know what to do so you need to help me cause I don't know what to do," John explained in roughly .67 seconds. John's not known for dealing well with crisis's (and yes, I do know that's spelt wrong. I can't figure out how to spell it).   
  
"Ugh..." Remy replied as he slooowwwlllyyyy got out of bed, and sloowwwlllyyy started walking out the door.   
  
"Remy mate come on move faster!!! Faster faster faster!!!" John yelled, Remy's slowness obviously offending him. Remy looked at him strangely and made a mental note to keep Pietro away from John.   
  
The pair walked into the Rec/TV-type room and stared stupidly at the wailing Bertha for several seconds. Then Remy went back to sleep standing up, and as you all know this doesn't work very well, so he ended up falling over. But he was asleep so it didn't really matter.   
  
John looked from Bertha to Remy several times. Then he had an idea. An evil, twisted idea. Not really, but it's fun to say.   
  
John whipped out his precious lighter. John lit his precious lighter. John started playing with fire.   
  
----------------------  
  
Piotr was awakened by several crashes and the sound of loud cackling. He groaned as he recognized the cackling as John's laughter. What was that boy doing in the middle of the night? So Piotr went to go investigate.   
  
Piotr walked into the Rec/TV room that Remy and John had walked into earlier. Piotr found Remy face down on the floor snoring. But Remy wasn't Piotr's main concern. His main concern was all the fire creatures flying, running, walking, waddling, and crawling all over the room. John was cackling madly and controlling all the fire things. Bertha was wide-awake, clapping her hands and laughing cutely like little babies do.   
  
"John! Vhat are you doing?!" Piotr cried.   
  
"What? Oh, hi mate...heh heh," John grinned somewhat sheepishly, "Well, she stopped crying, didn't she?"   
  
"Comrade, put this out immediately," Piotr threatened. John obeyed instantly, because when a 7-foot-3, 300-pound Russian guy tells you to do something, you do it, no questions asked.   
  
Unfortunately, the lack of fire creatures prompted Bertha to, once again, start crying.   
  
"Now look whatcha done, mate!" John whined, "It's started again!"   
  
"I think she's simply hungry...go get some food," Piotr commanded. John scurried out of the room while Piotr bent down and shook Remy to wake him up.   
  
"Go away," Remy moaned, "Leave me alone."   
  
"Remy, vhake up."   
  
"I don' wanna..."   
  
"Gods, how can you sleep through this racket?" Piotr asked, then shook Remy even harder then before, "GET UP!!!"   
  
"Alright, I'm up," Remy growled as he picked himself up off the floor.   
  
"Good, go see vhat is taking John so long," Piotr said as he crept towards the still-screaming Bertha.   
  
----------------------  
  
"John? Y' in here?" Remy asked as he walked sleepily into the kitchen.   
  
"Yep! You wanna 'elp me?" John asked excitedly.   
  
"What're you doin'?" Remy asked as he finally opened his eyes and noticed the huge mess all over the table and counters.   
  
"I'm gonna slap some steaks on the barbie! Just as soon as they finish marinatin'!" John answered cheerfully.   
  
"It's too early in de mornin' t' deal wit' dis..." Remy mumbled as he stumbled back toward his room, oblivious to the fact that it wasn't even morning yet.   
  
----------------------  
  
Meanwhile, Piotr was having a bit of success calming Bertha down. Her crying had fallen to manageable volumes, and Piotr went into the kitchen to see what was taking John so damn long.   
  
Piotr looked all around the kitchen, seeing a horrendous mess but no John. He noticed the back door was open, so he walked out onto the porch (and yes, the Acolytes DO have a porch!)   
  
Piotr found John contently grilling steaks on their grill. He was wearing a big poofy chef hat and an apron that said 'Kiss the Cook'.   
  
"John..." Piotr sighed, "That is NOT vhat I meant vhen I said get some food!! Babies do not eat that!"   
  
"How would you know? If I were a little tyke, I'd eat this! It's good!" John cried in defense.   
  
"Bertha can't eat that! She does not have teeth, comrade! How is she supposed to chew?"   
  
"I could chew it for her..."   
  
"John that is disgusting!"   
  
"No, I saw it on Animal Planet! Birds do that for their babies!"   
  
"Bertha is NOT a bird!"   
  
"I know, but wouldn't that be funny if she were?" John asked with a strange glint in his eye.   
  
"Come, let us get some food that is appropriate for a small child," Piotr sighed. He was very tired. And annoyed.   
  
So John and Piotr went back into the kitchen and looked for something Bertha could eat. Unfortunately, the was nothing in the fridge save some leftovers and a half-empty bottle of A1 steak sauce. Most of the leftovers had become semi-conscious, so they were out. Piotr and John tried to get Bertha to eat some steak sauce, but as soon as a spoonful was in her mouth, she spit it out again and started wailing louder than ever. So back to the kitchen John and Piotr dashed. They were discovering that there was no food whatsoever in the base.   
  
"John, we just went shopping! Vhere did all the food go?!!" Piotr asked.   
  
"Heh heh, there's a funny story about that involving steaks..." John laughed nervously.   
  
"Vhat did you do vith the food?" Piotr questioned.   
  
"Uh...ya know 'ow you're supposed to marinade steaks? Well...I used a lot of ingredients in the marinade..."   
  
"But that vhas enough food to last us for several months!"   
  
"Yeah well...I made a lot of steak!"   
  
"Please tell me you didn't use the twinkies," Piotr begged with a sick expression on his face.   
  
"But they add so much flavor!" John cried.   
  
"John...that's disgusting."   
  
"No, disgusting would be if I didn't cook the steak all the way through"   
  
"You would probably burn them to a crisp," Piotr remarked.   
  
"The only way to have 'em!" John exclaimed cheerfully.   
  
"Vhell, ve don't have any food," Piotr remarked. The two pondered for a moment while listening to Bertha's bawling.   
  
"I gotta idea!" John suddenly yelled, pointing his finger up very dramatically, "I bet the Brotherhood has food!"   
  
"Da!" Piotr cried in Russian, happy that they now had a plan of action. And so, they set off. After trying to wake up Remy again, failing dismally, and settling for just dragging him into the car.   
  
** HAHAHA!!! Another chapter done!!! I'm soooo happy. See, now that I have reviews I feel like I HAVE to update a lot!! GRR!!! So it's fun when it's done!! And I just rhymed!!!   
  
Okay, I have some shameless self-promoting to do. I have a site. It's called Gambitia. It's dedicated to all the Acolytes, not just Gambit (as the name may lead some to assume...It's just called Gambitia because Gambitia sounds cool) the url is www.gambitia.0catch.com. Pweese visit?? Pweese???   
  
Minion demands more reviews!!! That's right, she demands them!!! And she also begs for them and hopes for them and cries for them.... **


	5. The Brotherhood and Cheese!

** I'm back!! Sorry, this chapter was a little late, but it wasn't _ too_ late, so you can't be mad at me!! I was too busy watching Scooby-Doo...the one with the cat monsters and the zombies when they're in Louisiana on Moonscar Island. So many Cajun accents in that movie...I was in paradise.  
  
Anywho...shout-outs to my readers!! I love shout-outs, don't you???   
  
whiterose934- Two weeks, eh (eh? why am I canadian? cause I'm not!!)? Thanks for educating me!! And reading!!   
  
BlackStar18-Yay!! New reader!! Thanks, I try to stay in-character as much as possible (course, this IS a humor fic, so I don't HAVE too...but it's more fun this way!) Thanks for visiting my site!!   
  
HanatheWreck- Thanks!! I'm writing as fast as I can (not really, but we can pretend. It's fun, remember??)   
  
FireStarter911- So glad to see you're alive!! You got me worried last chapter. I won't do jonda. I'm more of a tonda fan myself. St. John and Wanda are both crazy, but not in the same way. Wanda's homicidal-y crazy, St. John's just crazy!! And I agree, poor Remy!!   
  
Dislaimer- Rarely is the question asked: Are you talking to that squirrel?!?!?   
  
On to chapter 5!!!!**  
  
----------------------  
  
All was nice and quiet at the Brotherhood house. Pietro was sleeping, Lance was sleeping, Wanda was out trying to kill small innocent creatures, Todd was sleeping, and Fred was getting a late night snack. That's when the doorbell rang.   
  
" 'Ello?" Fred asked as he opened the door, holding his beloved ham/cheese/jellybean/pickle sandwich in one hand. A look of confusion spread across his face as he beheld the Acolytes standing on his doorstep, all dressed in pajamas holding a squirming, screaming baby.   
  
"Um...I'll go get Pietro..." Fred mumbled as he went up the stairs to get his teammate.   
  
"Now's our chance! Come on, mates!" John whispered as he walked in.   
  
"But should we not wait for Pietro? It is not right to go stealing their food," Piotr protested.   
  
"Whadda you think, Remy?" John asked. Remy, still not fully conscious, just mumbled something unintelligible.   
  
"Well, that settles it!" John said cheerfully, as if Remy had said 'Oh yeah, definitely steal it.'  
  
"John, do you know what he just said?" Piotr asked.   
  
"No, but come on! Remy's a thief! What do you think he said? 'Let's go pay for it'?!" John asked, "Come on." John walked into the Brotherhood's halfway-destroyed kitchen with Piotr and Remy in tow.   
  
"What-are-you-guys-doing-here?!!! Does-my-father-need-something?!!! What!!! Tell-me!!! Tell-me-tell-me-tell-me!!!!" Pietro yelled as he ran into the kitchen at the speed of...well, Pietro.   
  
The Acolytes stared at him blankly, unable to comprehend the über-fast Pietro-speak.   
  
"Come on, let's get some food and go," John suggested.   
  
"HEY!!! That's-our-food-don't-take-it-get-your-own!!!" Pietro yelled. His yelling had no effect, because the Acolytes all considered Pietro a spoiled little brat who was only the leader of the Brotherhood because Magneto was his father.   
  
"WHAT!!!" John screeched as he opened the Brotherhood's fridge, "You don't have any food either?!!" John proceeded to check through the all the cupboards, "How can you not have food! Now my brilliant plan is ruined!!"   
  
"Umm, sorry, I think I ate it all," Fred said, looking at the crust in his hand, all that remained of his sandwich. He shoved the crust in his mouth and chewed contentedly. The Acolytes stared at him.   
  
"I hate you," John muttered.   
  
"Hey, what are THEY doing here?!" Lance asked as he walked into the room, followed by Todd and Wanda.   
  
"We are attempting to complete a mission for Magneto," Piotr explained.   
  
"What? My-father-gave-you-a-mission-and-he-left-me-out?!!" Pietro cried, "He-hates-me! I'll-never-be-good-enough-for-him!!"   
  
"Mon ami, Remy t'inks you're de lucky one," Remy said, Pietro's whining enough to wake him up, "Dis is our assignment." He pointed to the baby in Piotr's arms.   
  
"Hey, that's a cute baby, yo!" Todd exclaimed, hopping over, "It's so sweet...baby-cakes, we should have one! Look at her sleeping like that..."   
  
"Toad, if you EVER say anything like that again, I swear I WILL kill you," Wanda growled as her hands started glowing blue.   
  
"Um, we'll just go now..." John muttered as the Brotherhood started getting a little violent. Wanda had thrown Todd back into the kitchen wall, Pietro had tried to stop her, Lance had created an earthquake just because he could, and Fred was looking for more food. Fred could be very violent when looking for food.   
  
----------------------  
  
"Well, dat didn' work," Remy sighed as the Acolytes retreated back to their car.   
  
"You can say that again, mate," John said.   
  
"Now vhat shall ve do?" Piotr asked.   
  
"Why don' we do de smart thing and jus' go buy somet'ing?" Remy asked.   
  
"I never woulda thought o' that!" John cried and he started running towards a nearby, conveniently placed grocery store.   
  
"Vhy am I not surprised...Vhait, vhe don't have any money!" Piotr noticed.   
  
"Who says we need money, mon ami?" Remy asked with a devilish smile.   
  
"God...smite me now..." Piotr sighed.   
  
----------------------  
  
"Um...we're closed..." a random teenaged cashier said as John, Remy, and Piotr walked in.   
  
"No problem, luv, we'll be outta here quicker than a kangaroo on crack!" John cried happily.   
  
"Why's he so happy?" Remy asked.   
  
"Narcotics," Piotr answered, "Did you not just hear him speaking about kangaroos and crack?"   
  
"Hmm...makes sense."   
  
"Indeed. We had better be quick." Piotr and Remy walked around to aisle five.   
  
"So...do y' know what babies eat?" Remy asked.   
  
"Of course! Baby food!" Piotr answered.   
  
"I coulda figured dat out mon ami...I mean what kind!" Remy asked as he pointed down aisle five (baby foods), "Look at all dat!"   
  
"Oh my," Piotr remarked. The aisle was filled with row upon row of little jars of baby food.   
  
"Dis is like wit' de diapers, only worse..."   
  
"Let us just take some, I think they are all the same."   
  
Just then, John's loud cackling could be heard over Piotr's and Remy's conversation.   
  
"Ha ha HA!!" John laughed, "Who woulda known that cheese burns so well!"   
  
"John!" Piotr and Remy cried simultaneously with their differing accent. Meanwhile, the various employees of the grocery were running screaming from the building. John was in the dairy department, setting the cheese aflame.   
  
"Just grab somet'ing!" Remy yelled, "I'll go control John!" Piotr knocked some jars into his gargantuan arms that also held a thankfully quiet Bertha. Remy ran off to stop John.   
  
"Fire!!! HA HA HA!!!" John was yelling. His lighter was held loosely in his hand, and Remy took the opportunity to snatch it from John.   
  
"Hey!"   
  
"John, I swear if you don' put out dat fire I will blow your lighter up!"   
  
"Don't blow it up!! Please!! That's the second time mah lighter's been taken tonight!!" John screeched.   
  
"Put out de fire!"   
  
"Don't blow up mah sheila!" John cried as he used his pyrokinesis to put out the fire, "Give 'er back!"   
  
"When we get back to de base...maybe," Remy threatened.   
  
And so the three went back to the Acolyte's base, after finally getting some food for Bertha.   
  
----------------------  
  
**Whoo...that was only 934 words!! Amazing how little I write and how long it takes!! Blame Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island (THAT'S the name!!! I remembered!! So many accents...) and the angsty fanfic I was reading. I had an angst attack. I NEEDED the sadness.   
  
So...am I gonna get any reviews??? Am I?? Pweese??**


	6. Asparagus Mush and Tomorrow!

** Man, I'm having a tough time writing this. I'm still having angst-cravings, and there's a sad lack of Acolyte angst out there!! Humph. It's hard to be funny when you're reading really sad fics.  
  
OOHH!!! If you like remy-angst, go read the two fics by A-Bomb. And then review and beg her to continue.   
  
And now my friend Sebastian shall perform an interpretative dance while I do shout-outs!!!   
  
whiterose934-Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island is cool. And what is this 'Here's Johnny!' thing? I've heard it mentioned before...   
  
Lieutenant Lindsey- I just watched it on Cartoon Network (they have some of the worst movies EVER on that channel!!!)...I'm not the kid in your 2nd hour b/c he's a he and I'm a she...not that you said I was or anything...THANKS FOR REVIEWING!!!!   
  
FireStarter911- ::grins stupidly:: Thanks!! Todd/Tabby...hadn't thought of that one...but it's a pretty good!! And John loves his lighter and the fire it produces. And I give thee cookies for reviewing all FIVE chapters!!!   
  
Disclaimer: I have a nosebleed right now that is making it oh so difficult to type...so since I KNOW you ALL know that lil' ol' Minion doesn't own X-Men, or the song "About A Burning Fire" by Blindside that is making an appearance later on, I won't have a disclaimer.   
  
** ----------------------  
  
HALFWAY BETWEEN THE ACOLYTE BASE AND THE BROTHERHOOD HOUSE!!!   
  
"Hey guys, didn't we drive a car here?" John asked suddenly. Piotr and Remy looked at each other.   
  
"Oops..."   
  
----------------------  
  
AT THE BROTHERHOOD HOUSE!!!   
  
The Brotherhood had settled down a little bit since their fight earlier. For unknown and unexplained reasons, they all decided to go outside.   
  
"Hey, isn't that the Acolytes' car?" Lance asked.   
  
"Yeah," Todd answered, "Why? You wanna steal it or something?"   
  
"Actually, yeah!" Lance agreed.   
  
"You guys are so immature..." Wanda growled.   
  
"Yeah!!! And-what-would-my-father-say???" Pietro squealed.   
  
"I don't care what your father would say, come on Toad," Lance said, "Nice!! They even left the keys in the ignition!"   
  
And so the Brotherhood piled into the Acolytes' car (Even Pietro and Wanda, despite their reservations) and went off to wreak havoc upon the world.   
  
----------------------  
  
LATER AT THE BROTHERHOOD HOUSE!!!   
  
"Hey, where's our car?!" John yelled at the top of his lungs, "Those little...Brotherhooders!!! They STOLE it!!!!!"   
  
"Nobody steals from a master t'ief!!! Let's go find dem and take it back!!" Remy plotted.   
  
"I haf a better idea. There is Lance's Jeep right there," Piotr said smugly.   
  
"Wow. I'd never expect a plan so diabolical and nefarious to come out of your head, Piotr!" John exclaimed.   
  
"I can hotwire a car," Remy smirked, "Let's go."   
  
And so they hotwired Lance's Jeep. Of course, they had some problems when John 'helped' and nearly started the engine on fire, but other than that it was smooth going. John, Piotr, and Remy started driving to the big metal dome.   
  
----------------------  
  
Magneto sauntered into the Acolyte's base of operations, because, well, why shouldn't he? It's his base, he can saunter into it if he darn well wants to. Magneto was very happy, because he had spent a exceedingly enjoyable evening talking to Charles about weather, astrology, history, and anything else that had absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with mutants. Talking about mutants somehow always got them into fights, and when the Master of Magnetism and the most powerful telepath alive fight, it's something to see.   
  
Magneto decided to check up on his Acolytes. He walked into the part of the base that was the 'housing' section, and found what he saw greatly amusing, to say the least.   
  
"John! Dat spoon is too big f'r a baby!" Remy said, exasperated, "Go get a lil' one!"   
  
"This is little!" John cried in defense, holding up the offending spoon, "It's the littlest one we got, mate!"   
  
"It is not..." Remy muttered, deciding John was incompetent so he should just go get it himself.   
  
Meanwhile, Piotr was having a wee bit of trouble. Bertha was kicking and screaming and generally throwing a giant tantrum. Piotr was in his metal form, but even in that state he was having difficulties holding her.   
  
"Please hurry up!" he cried.   
  
"Dis do?" Remy came out holding a teaspoon (those little measuring things).   
  
"It vill haf to suffice," Piotr answered.   
  
Magneto watched his Acolytes. They were the most powerful mutant team ever assembled, the product of years of searching and training, they were the bane of the X-Men...   
  
And they were having trouble getting a five-month-old baby to eat her dinner. Needless to say, it was very funny to watch the high and mighty Acolytes fussing like mother hens.   
  
"Careful! You're getting food all over her face, mate!"   
  
"I vould like to see you try, comrade!"   
  
"Stop fightin' and concentrate on feedin' her!"   
  
"You are not helping!"   
  
"Someone sing a song, maybe that'll calm the lil' sheila down!"   
  
"John, homme, Remy loves ya like a brot'er, but y' stupid. Dat won' work."   
  
"Oh yeah? I'll prove it!" John yelled much louder than he had to. And then he started singing.   
  
"**_I thought about fire in the sky,_**" John sang. Immediately everyone else present winced at John's singing. He was horribly off-key.   
  
"**_I thought about fire,_**."   
  
"Make it stop!" Remy moaned.   
  
"**_I thought about love burning in your eye, I thought about fire, ,_**" John's singing could be compared to the sounds an echidna might make if, say, it was dropped into the fire John was thinking about.   
  
Thankfully for all present, except for John, Piotr chose that minute to thwap him over the head, thereby knocking him unconscious.   
  
"Merci," Remy said. Magneto would have said thanks too, but he had run away in horror at John's little song. Magneto's helmet had created echoes of John's singing that were currently driving him insane, to say the least.   
  
Bertha looked at the prone figure of John on the floor and immediately giggled.   
  
"Quick! Feed her now b'fore she starts cryin' again!" Remy warned. Between the two of them, Piotr and Remy managed to get dinner into Bertha without too much incidence. Of course, both of them were covered in baby food, and the room reeked of asparagus mush.   
  
"Jus' watch, now she's gonna t'row up," Remy sighed.   
  
"She better not."   
  
Around this time Magneto had managed to get the crazed voice of Pyro out of his head, and returned to his self-appointed mission of watching his Acolytes act like moronic stooges. He arrived to see a weary Remy and Piotr putting a happy, content, sleeping baby into a crib, while John snored on the floor. He also saw the mess everywhere, and wasn't particulary pleased.   
  
"Acolytes! I am appalled at this mess! Clean it up right now!"   
  
"Homme, it's two in de mornin'..." Remy moaned.   
  
"I do not care! You made the mess, and you can clean it up!" Magneto ordered.   
  
"We shall do it in the morning," Piotr stated. Magneto glared.   
  
"You better." Then Magneto had a thought.   
  
"Since you are disobeying my direct orders to clean up this mess, I'll have to make you watch Bertha tomorrow too."   
  
"WHAT!!!" Piotr and Remy screeched.   
  
"Every decision has a consequence, my boys."   
  
The Acolytes grumbled.   
  
"If I were you I would get some rest. Tomorrow shall be a very long day." And with that, Magneto went to his private suite.   
  
----------------------  
  
SOMEWHERE IN BAYVILLE!!!   
  
"BWAHAHAHAHA!!!" the Brotherhood laughed manically as they cornered Principal Kelly.   
  
"Now you shall see why mutants are the superior species!!" Lance cried, although he made his voice deeper to try and imitate Magneto's 'evil voice', "Wanda!! Bring forth the permanent marker!!"   
  
"Here you are, o great leader," Wanda said, handing Lance said marker.   
  
"Now we're gonna have a little fun!" Pietro laughed.   
  
"Eeepp!" Principal Kelly cried. His cry was lost in the demented laughs of the Brotherhood as they closed in.   
  
----------------------  
  
** Ohhh...poor Kelly. Not really. We hate Kelly. He's a butt.   
  
Hmmm...I don't have anything interesting to say here. Just review pleeeaaasssseeee????   
  
**


	7. Amusement Parks and Kiddie Rides!

**Wow, that was a fast update!!! And "The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy" is an awesome show!!!**

**Shout-outs!!!**

**Piotr's Girl- Wanda rocks. Thanks for reviewing!!!**

**Sanity: Questionable- How did I type it??? Didn't you realize that my clone of Gambit stole it from you? Mwuahahahaha!!! And I'll get around to cloning a Pyro for you...when I feel like it! **

**whiterose934- I see. I've never seen 'The Shining'. But yeah, John would do that. Definitely.**

**L1701E- Do you have any idea how hard your name is to type? And we will learn the fate of Kelly in the next chapter...and thanks for the amusement park idea!! I had an idea, but yours is better!!**

**Mads Mads- I love Pyro too!! He's so cute. Fruitcakes are surprisingly heavy...::goes off to do...something::**

**FireStarter911- I actually have never heard that song before. I just went to a lyrics search engine and typed in 'fire' for the song name and it came up. And Piotr came be surprisingly evil when he chooses... **

**Just so ya all know... **_[this is how Minion writes the telepathy that rears its ugly head later on]_****

**Disclaimer-Noun.**

**1: (law) a voluntary repudiation of a person's legal claim to something**

**2: denial of any connection with or knowledge of**

**So...you know the drill ::smacks stupid lawyers over the head:: heh heh, my uncle is a lawyer...and I don't own him either!!**

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The next day the sun was shining brightly on the Acolytes' big metal dome. Unfortunately, everything was not sunny inside the Acolytes' big metal dome.

"WHAT?!!" Magneto is gonna make us watch Bertha again?!!" John yelled, "God, why don't we just ADOPT her if he's gonna make us watch her all the time?!" The other two Acolytes had just informed him of Magneto's orders, because John had been unconscious when Magneto first gave them.

"Remy knows, it sucks. Babysittin' means y' watch de kid f'r one night den go back to y' own life," Remy sighed.

"Comrades, we may as well make the best of this and go somewhere fun," Piotr suggested.

"I know!! I know!!" John hollered, "Let's go to the amusement park!!" Remy and Piotr looked at each other.

"You gotta better idea?" Remy asked.

"Unfortunately, no," Piotr answered.

"What? It's a GREAT idea!!" John said cheerily, "Let's bring Sabretooth too!!"

----------------------

At Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters breakfast was served. Since it was Saturday, all the various teenaged mutants debated on what to do for the day.

"Vhe should go to an amusement park!" Kurt cried.

"No way, those, like, mess up your hair!" Kitty replied.

"Ja, but zhere so much fun!" Kurt remarked as he shoveled food into his mouth.

"I'm gonna hafta go with blue-boy, amusement park sounds great!" Evan agreed.

"I'm sure it will be very fun," Jean told the pouting Kitty, _[And I'm told some VERY cute boys hang out there!] _Jean said telepathically.

"Like, fine," Kitty acquiesced.

"Yeah!" cried Evan and Kurt.

"Ah hate mah life..." Rogue grumbled.

----------------------

"So mates, where should we go first?" John asked, "The Stomach-Churner of Horror, or the Upside-Down-Flipper-Thingy Of DOOM!!!" John grinned crookedly.

"Amis, Remy t'ink we f'rgot somet'ing," Remy said, "Bert'a here can' go on any o' de rides," he continued, pointing at Bertha, who was in a frilly pink outfit being pushed around in flowery pink stroller by Remy.

"Bloody 'ell..." John mumbled.

"John! Do not let Bertha hear you speak such foul language!" Piotr cried.

"Oh, like she even knows what we're talkin' about," John grumbled.

"Guys? Back to de problem?"

"Right mate...Sabretooth could watch 'er!" John suggested. At first, Sabretooth had refused to come along, so the Acolytes had gone to Magneto and complained about how little Sabes was doing to help with the baby. Thus, Magneto had ordered Sabretooth to go with them. Once they got to the park, though, Sabretooth had refused to get out of the car, and no amount of threats, pleading, begging, cajoling, or tuna-flavored kitty treats had managed to get him out.

"Sabretooth 'd prob'ly eat 'er," Remy remarked.

"Vhe could alvays go on the kiddy rides," Piotr pointed to the assortment of tiny, preschool-sized rides.

"No way am I doin' that!" John argued. Remy and Piotr looked at him.

"It WAS your idea, mon ami..." Remy pointed out.

"I hate you..." John mumbled.

----------------------

The X-Men HAD gotten to go on the Stomach-Churner of Horror and the Upside-Down-Flipper-Thingy Of DOOM!!!, and had decided to take a break from all of the rides and get something to eat.

"Like, lucky thing the professor, like, gave us all this money!" Kitty said happily.

"Well, there are a lot of us," Scott remarked, "And we eat a lot too."

Just then, Rogue burst out laughing. This was such a rare occasion that every other X-Men stopped whatever it was they had been doing to stare. Rogue snickered and chortled and hollered and rolled on the floor in amusement.

"Rogue, what's so funny?" Jean asked, even though she COULD have used her telepathic powers to find out and saved herself the trouble of asking.

"Isn't that ::laugh:: the ::choke:: Acolytes?" Rogue said, pointing to the three men on the kiddie coaster. Remy and Piotr looked bored and unhappy, while John was screaming at the top of his lungs and trying to get Remy (who John was sitting next to) to put his hands in the air. Remy was refusing and well aware of the fact that he looked like an idiot. Piotr was holding the giggling Bertha in his lap as the kiddie coaster cruised along at the mind-numbingly scary speed of five miles per hour. It wasn't even a roller coaster really, more of a train-type thing going around a track that had a couple minor hills.

"What are they, like, doing here?" Kitty asked.

"I don't know but I know they're up to no good!" Scott cried while striking a cheesy pose. Just then, the ride the Acolytes were on ended and they all got off. The X-Men listened with amusement as the Acolytes grumbled.

"Dis sucks. Let's jus' go back to de base an' watch TV," Remy grumbled.

"NO WAY!!! THAT WAS AWESOME!!! I'M GONNA GO AGAIN!!!" John yelled, getting back in line.

"Like I have said before, drugs," Piotr told Remy. Then the two noticed all of the X-Men looking at them with smug smiles plastered on their faces.

"So, the mightiest mutant team of all doesn't have the balls to go on the BIG roller coasters?" Evan asked smugly, "Where's Pietro? On the lazy river?"

"Pietro ain' here," Remy growled, "An' it ain' our fault we 'ad to go on de kiddie coaster!"

"AHA!!! You're on a mission for Magneto!!!" Scott cried triumphantly, "X-Men!!! Prepare for battle!!!" Scott glared at the Acolytes, but the Acolytes were oblivious because of Scott's Ruby Quartz Glasses™.

"No we're not!" Remy argued.

"Actually, comrade, we are."

"Not exactly..." Just then, John got back from the kiddie coaster.

"I love that ride! It's my favorite!" John yelled contently as he skipped around, "Is it your favorite, Bertha?" John asked her.

All of the X-Men looked at the baby held in Piotr's arms.

"Um, like why do you have a, like, baby?" Kitty asked.

----------------------

**OHH!!! Cliffhanger!!! Now I feel evil...some Kiotr and Romy will show up later on, but it won't take over the fic...or be all that prominent or serious. And the X-Men aren't all that fun to write...Brotherhood and Acolytes are much more amusing. **

**AHEM!!! Reviews??? They coming??**

**And I apologize for the crazy format earlier. I don't know what happened.**


	8. Why Love Sucks

**Ugh...I HAVE CAFFEINATED BEVERAGES!!! AND A CAFFEINE HEADACHE!!! AND AN UPDATE!!!**

**I'm not very happy with this chapter. Review and tell me where I screwed up. I think I screwed up by writing this chapter right after I saw "Fahrenheit 9/11", which is really, really sad and angsty. I worked on this chapter to exorcise the sadness from my brain...but dang was I depressed!! Everyone should go see it, it's really good...but kinda graphic...**

**SHOUT! SHOUT! LET IT ALL OUT!! (and no, I don't own that song. It's owned by the band 'Tears for Fears'...I think...SO THERE!!!)**

**FireStarter911-Haha!! The lawyers can't get me now because I sent a customer to the band!! And I should probably go listen to that song...care to give me link so I don't have to work?**

**Piotr's girl- There's a little one-sided Kiotr in this chapter...I just had a random thought and...you'll have to read to find out!!!**

**Sanity: Questionable- ::hands S:Q a Pyro clone:: There you go!!!**

**L1701E- Do you enjoy making poor authors type out your hard-to-type name? ERGH!! Do you know how many times it took me to spell that right (sorry if I sound mad...I'm not)?!!! And I did fix chapter 7 just as soon as I got to see the chapter, but FF.net took forever and a day to re-update. I upgraded my web browser, so the interface to upload stuff was different and I was a confuzzled little girl...but's it's all fixed!!**

----------------------

"Um, like why do you have a, like, baby?" Kitty asked.

"'Cause Mags went crazy and demanded we watch the lil' tyke!" John said cheerfully.

"So you ARE on a mission for Magneto!!! I knew it!!!" Scott yelled.

"Oh Scott, lay off. How much harm could they cause by babysitting?" Jean sighed. _And to think I gave up Duncan for HIM!!! What was I thinking_?__

"Ah'm wit' Scott on this one," Rogue chipped in, "That baby's gonna so screwed up when they're done wit' it."

"I knew y' loved me, chéri," Remy said as he sidled up next to her.

"Y' jus' don't get it, do ya swamp rat?" Rogue said sweetly while giving Remy a death glare. Several minutes of uncomfortable silence followed.

"So, um, like, we're, like, eating right now..." Kitty pointed out the obvious, "You wanna, like, join us?" she asked, throwing a hopeful glance over in the Acolytes' direction. _They're like, so cute!_ she thought, _Especially the big guy!!_

The Acolytes held a small council.

"I do not believe Magneto would like us fraternizing with zhe enemy!" Piotr whispered, "Also, that little girl in pink keeps staring at me and making me feel very uncomfortable!"

"Ah, come on, dis is my chance wit' Rogue! I ain' givin' it up cuz y' were scared of a lil' femme!" Remy whined.

"But there's no pretty sheilas for me to..." John trailed off as Tabby walked up to the table sipping a pop with Amara in tow, "Never mind. There's two right there!"

"But John..." Piotr whined, but it was too late, for John and Remy and sighted their girls and were already dragging Piotr back to the table. It was quite humorous to see the gigantic Russian dragged along by two guys whose combined weight was only half of Piotr's.

The three men, plus Bertha, sat down at the table. Kitty squealed and scooted over closer to Piotr who developed a rather interesting tick in his forehead. Remy sat in between Rogue and Jean (and planned to flirt with both of them just to watch Scott squirm.) John was next to Tabby.

"So, chéri, how's it goin'?" Remy asked Rogue.

"Shut up an' get outta mah face!" Rogue got up and stomped away, ufortunately Remy had other plans and snagged her wrist.

Her bare, uncovered wrist.

Her wrist, which was showing a bit of skin.

And badda-bing, badda-boom...

Remy was out cold.

"Ah man, now Ah got the stupid swamp rat's thoughts in mah head!" Rogue complained, "AND WHAT'S THIS ABOUT A BELLADONNA!!!" Rogue screamed while violently kicking Remy's unconscious form, "YOU ::kick:: LOVE HER ::kick kick:: MORE THAN YOU ::kick:: LOVE ME!!" Rouge wailed. Piotr came to Remy's rescue. John was too busy flirting with Tabby to save his friend's life.

"So, you like explosions?" John asked.

"Yeah, especially when they, you know, destroy large amounts of other people's property and cause huge fires that burn down buildings!" Tabby answered.

Jean looked at the battered Remy and the sobbing Rogue.

"Sorry, it's kinda that...time...if you know what I mean," Jean said apologetically. Piotr nodded in understanding.

"Ja, I haf a sister. I know all about it."

----------------------

Meanwhile, Sabertooth was waiting in the car, as was previously mentioned. If you weren't paying attention then, I wrote it again so you'd know. If you weren't paying attention the second time, you're screwed.

Starting over...

Meanwhile, Sabertooth was waiting in the car. He was getting quite bored waiting in the car, and was actually getting quite scared. He knew all those stories about poor, helpless animals that had been left in cars and burned to death!!!

But Sabertooth was determined! He would not burn!!! He was no ordinary animal!!!

Unfortunately, determination was not helping his boredom situation.

"I'm so bored!!" Sabertooth yelled. A passing boy happened to glance through the window and see Sabertooth.

"AHHH!!! MOMMY!!! THERE'S A MONSTER!!!" the poor child screamed. Sabertooth sighed. Even the screams of innocent children no longer amused him. He then noticed the cell phone that sat in the passenger seat (Sabertooth, obviously, was in the DRIVER'S seat)

"Heh heh heh..." Sabertooth laughed while punching in Magneto's cell phone number (966-887-4115.)

"Hello, this is Magneto, the future ruler of the world. How may I help you?" Magneto's voice answered...although he sounded strangely distracted...

"Hey Mags...I'm bored!!! Entertain me!!" Sabertooth demanded.

"What? Xavier, not how, can't you see I'm on the phone?!" Magneto muttered to an unknown person, probably Professor Charles Xavier, the most powerful telepath on the planet; but there ARE lots of Xavier's in the world. It could have been anyone.

"Entertain me!!!" Sabertooth demanded once again.

"Sabertooth, I'm a little busy and I've run out of amusing anecdotes to tell you!" Magneto huffed.

"Then come down here and pick me up!! I'm bored!!" Sabertooth growled.

"But you have a car!" Magneto pointed out. Sabertooth looked all around and found that, yes indeed, Magneto was right, he _was_ in a car. But then, when is Magneto wrong?

"Um..." Sabertooth tried to think really fast, straining his brain in the process, "OW!! Um, the other Acolytes...they ditched me!! They left me to die on the side of the road...."

"Ugh! Sabertooth, I'll be down there as soon as I get my pants back on...YOU DIDN'T HEAR THAT!!!"

"..they hate me, told me I was worthless..." what Magneto just said clicked in Sabertooth's brain with a small popping noise, "WHAT?!! You...and XAVIER?!!!"

"YOU DIDN'T HEAR THAT!!! CHARLES, QUICK!!! MAKE IT SO HE NEVER HEARD THAT!!!" and on the other line, you could hear Xavier muttering about 'nearly blew our cover', and 'need to be more careful'. Then Xavier worked his magic and Sabertooth forgot.

"There, we are safe. Now are you happy?" Xavier questioned.

"No, now I have to go pick up the twit," Magneto replied, "I'll be back soon, love!"

And thus, Magneto started his journey to the amusement park.

----------------------

**OHHH!!! Magneto's coming!!! And come on, you ALL knew Xavier and Magneto were kinda 'tight'.**

**Continuing Piotr's girl shout-out- My thought was it would be really cute if Piotr was **

**scared of a little valley girl. I don't know why. My brain works in strange ways.**

**I'm still not happy with this chapter. Maybe because I've learned I HATE writing romance. It's goopy and mushy...and everything I hate in string beans!!!**

**Whoops, forgot it up there...**

**DISCLAIMER- I am not responsible for any damage that may come from reading this fanfic. I will not, I repeat, NOT be paying your psychiatrist bills!! You read at your own risk!!!**

**Yeah, don't expect too much more X-Men, but our friends the Brotherhood shall be making an appearance...**

**I have 7 chapters and 37 reviews!! That means I get**

** 5.2857142857142857142857142857143 reviews per chapters. And I still want more!!!**

**Oh, and don't call the Magneto' s cell phone number. It's random and I made it up, and the area code is probably from Kuala Lumpur, because fate is a cruel, cruel thing.**


	9. Why IS that baby there anyway?

**Ahem, I have a very quick update today because I really _really_ hate chapter 8, and so I decided I'd make it up with this chapter! Which I'm actually very fond of. It's also the longest I've written so far, at 1,155 words. Which really isn't a lot.**

**Okay, to my reviewers!!**

**childrenwithblades- If you read the story now, it should be fixed. I had that problem too when I went to check the chapter to make sure everything was fine. And I just think Xavier/Magneto is really cute, and even in the show they ARE best friends.**

**FireStarter911- I know chapter 8 wasn't as funny, hopefully this chapter will make up for it. And you should credit my friend the Queen of Gambitia for the Tabyro pairing, 'cause she thought it up (I assume. Her s was the first Tabyro I'd ever read) **

**L1701E- Well, now that you explained it it's not that hard! I'm a bit of a trekkie myself...which series do you like the best? I like Voyager and NextGen. Your Kelly-hung-on-boxers idea will show up...**

**Lieutenant Lindsey- Wow. I gave you your first shout-out?! YAY!!! I feel good now...and I get a Gambit plushie!!**

**Okay, this chapter is the very FIRST to have no Acolytes in it!! Which makes me sad, but I hope the song at the end (DANG!! I GAVE IT AWAY!!) makes up for the lack of acolyte-goodness.**

**Disclaimer- Hmmm...I used all my creative energy in the parody of the song 'I Want Candy', the original song of which is NOT owned by me, however the lyrics that I, MINION wrote, are MINE!!! YES!!! I OWN SOMETHING!!!!**

----------------------

Xavier had decided to come along for the ride with Magneto. As they headed in the general direction of the amusement park, Xavier had a thought.

"Magnus? What are your henchman doing at an amusement park? " Xavier asked.

"I gave them a mission. Remember that baby you told me so much about, Charles? The one who would grow to become the most powerful mutant on the planet? Well, I, the great Master of Magnetism, found the child and gave her to my lackeys to watch," Magneto explained with a lot of gusto.

Xavier paused. Magneto had not just said what Charles thought he had said, had he? Xavier took a little peek into Magneto's mind. Actually, Magneto had. So Xavier could not blame senility for his current problem. Had it not been happening to him, Xavier would have found the situation greatly amusing, but unfortunately it _was_ happening to him, which put him in a bit of a jam.

That story he had told Magneto about the all-powerful mutant child had been a big fat load of b.s. Xavier chose this moment to have a flash-back-ish-thingy.

_All was quiet in Xavier's study. A fire was roaring in the fire pit. Magneto was sipping on some fine wine._

_"Charles, would you be so kind as to tell me about these new mutants you are finding?" Magneto questioned. Xavier paused. On one hand, Magneto was his best friend in the whole wide world. On the other hand, Magneto was also his worst-est enemy too. Quite a dilemma._

_So Xavier did what any normal mutant would do._

_He lied through his teeth._

_"Well Magnus, I've found one most intriguing child. Only a baby, yet she is the most powerful mutant I have ever seen."_

_"Tell me more, Charles," Magneto asked while waving his wine goblet around dramatically._

_"Well..." Xavier struggled to think of more, "She lives in...the city of Notarealcity, in...Maine..."_

Xavier paused his flashback with a remote. How had Magneto found the girl if she: 1. Didn't exist; and 2. Supposedly lived in a city in Maine that ALSO didn't exist!

Xavier started playing his flashback again.

_"Really?" Magneto asked, taking a small notebook out of his ever-fluttering cape and taking notes, "Do continue."_

_"Um...her parents abandoned her...in a cheese factory...because she was...absolutely, totally, and completely perfect! And she was...very fussy, because perfect people get fed up with imperfection of others...?" Xavier trailed off uncertainly._

_"Hmm...most interesting. I really must be going, Charles," Magneto stated as he stood up. Or tried to. He got halfway up and then just kinda fell back, "I say! Must of have a bit more of the wine than I thought!" And then Magneto got up, successfully this time, and left through the window.___

Xavier sniggered mentally. Magneto had actually believed him? Magneto had believed that very transparent lie?

"Charles?" Magneto asked, snapping aforementioned person out of his reverie.

"Oh...what, Magnus?" Xavier asked, sincerely grateful that HE was the telepath, and not Magneto.

"I was just asking you if we should go save Mr. Kelly from the naughtiness of the Brotherhood before going to pick up my underling," Magneto said, pointing over to where the Brotherhood had strung up Kelly by his boxers (which declared in loud, fluorescent purple letters 'I love mutants') on a flagpole. Kelly's head had been colored solid black, thanks to Wanda's permanent marker. The Brotherhood had shaved off all of his hair, and now Kelly looked like one of the men from the Blue Man Group, except he was black instead of blue.

Meanwhile, under the flagpole the Brotherhood had started a humongous bonfire and were currently dancing around it, singing 'I Want Candy', with some slight alterations to the lyrics.

" **_I know a man who's mean to me_**!" Lance belted out, "**_He hates me , 'cause I'm a mutie!_**"

"**_He is running for mayor!_**" Todd screamed out next, his lyrics not exactly fitting the music, "**_On an anti-mutant pla-atform!_**" Then all the Brotherhood sang.

"**_I hate Kelly! Do-do-do-do-do-do-do! I hate Kelly!_**"

"Well, saving Mr. Kelly would be the _nice_ thing to do..." Xavier began, "But he IS rather annoying."

"Indeed. However, it would not be good for the mutant image if this were to continue," Magneto pointed out.

"I though you didn't care what humans thought of us," Xavier frowned.

"I want to lull them into a false sense of security before my figurative metal fist tightened its hold on this planet, covering all the seven seas in desolation and putting MUTANTS in their rightful place as leaders of this new world!" Magneto explained, getting all preachy.

"Magnus, if you cover the world in desolation, why would you want to rule it? Wouldn't it be better if you took over with no desolation?"

"But ALL super villains must cause desolation!" Magneto whined.

"True..."

"**_Gotta be careful at the mall!_**" Wanda began, "**_'Cause he wants to kill us all!_**" she finished, referring to Kelly's strange habit of stalking mutants at the Bayville Mall. Not hat he'd ever _killed_ anyone, but still, it's creepy.

"So true..." Magneto agreed, "I may hate and fear her, but she is very intelligent, in a crazy sort of way."

"**_He knows us all and soon you'll see!_**" Pietro screamed, several beats ahead of the music, but then, he's always several beats ahead, "**_Bigot wants the world mutant-free!_**"

At the refrain, Magneto and Xavier joined in.

"**_ I hate Kelly! Do-do-do-do-do-do-do! I hate Kelly!_**" every mutant present sang. Kelly whimpered from his place on the lamppost. Not only was he getting a serious wedgie, but the mutants he so disdained were singing hateful songs about him. The nerve!

"I do believe we should be getting Kelly down now," Xavier suggested, "After all, we can' tarnish our image."

"Very well," Magneto said, and with a wave of his hand the pole bent down and deposited Kelly on the ground (heh heh, that rhymed). The Brotherhood looked up from their merrymaking, Fred trailing of his part of the song uncertainly (he was only humming anyway, lacking the proper intelligence to make up lyrics).

"Boys, I believe you should put out this fire and apologize to Principal Kelly right away!" Xavier commanded.

"Aw, do we HAVE to apologize? He hates us!" Lance complained.

"Alright, don't apologize, but you DO have to put the fire out!"

"What?! I have never been so...INSULTED in my entire life and you're going to let the little miscreants who did it to me off?!!! Mutants have terrorized the world, and soon- HEY!!" Kelly screamed as Magneto tired of his rant and deposited him back on the lamppost.

"None of you saw that," Magneto said. Everyone snickered at Kelly's misfortune as they dumped water and the huge bonfire.

"Okay, now that that's done, you go scurry along home and we're going to go get Sabertooth!" Xavier exclaimed.

And so, both parties went their separate ways, leaving the sniveling Kelly behind.

----------------------

**How's that? The longest chapter thus far!! I liked it. I hope you did. I hope you review too.**

**We learned how the baby got there!! YAY!!! And I've written NINE chapters. I'm amazed, I thought I'd write a couple and then just stop, because I never complete ANYTHING (just ask anyone who knows me).**


	10. Where'd She Go?

I apologize for the lateness of this chapter. I type up my stories in Microsoft Word (which I don't own!) and something, somewhere, went horribly wrong in the program and it went mad and skewed everything I wrote...so I had to start over and that took a lot of time. Sorry.  
  
Okay.  
  
Lieutenant Lindsey- Maybe I should stop saying certain chapters suck because people seem to like them...oh well. Kelly did deserve it. Definitely.  
  
whiterose934- Why would I kill you when you give me reviews AND a cookie? And, I've never actually heard the song "I Want Candy" in its entirety, so I had no idea what the lyrics really sounded like...I just got a copy of the lyrics and changed the words. It was fun. I might do it again.  
  
ldypebsaby- I like sad stories!! Any recommendations? And you laughed your pants off? Better than I once did (I was drinking Dr. Pepper [I don't own!] and was reading a really funny fic...and all the Dr. Pepper came out my nose and it BURNED!!!)  
  
childrenwithblades- When I was trying to come up with a name I had to make sure that there really wasn't a city in Maine called that. I could have researched and found a name that wasn't a city in Maine...or I could take the path of least resistance and just name it something that was so outrageous that there couldn't possibly be a city named that. And "Notarealcity" was born.  
  
Piotr's girl- Have you read "De Penguin De Penguin"? Well, it's comic-verse and deals with Remy's weird phobia of penguins...it's really funny in a strange sort of way (and this ISN'T random you mentioned 'penguinistic' in your review!) I think the story might have been deleted because I can't seem to find it...oh well. The powers thing would be funny. It could be an attack of the Mary-Sue!  
  
L1701E- I never really liked classic...then again, I'm only ::age deleted. guess. between 10 and 16:: and so I think the visual effects are kinda cheesy...ANYWHO!! Thanks for reviewing.  
  
rage-girl-05- OOO!!! New reader!!! I feel loved!! ::does happy dance:: Hmm...I never thought of it that way...And 'Fahrenheit' is very good, but it's rated R for a reason...if you're squeamish, be prepared to close your eyes. Lots of blood.  
  
Does anybody know what happened to FireStarter911? I hope she only went on vacation...  
  
Haha!! I have passed 50 reviews!!  
  
And onto chapter 10!!  
----------------------  
  
Back at the amusement park, the Acolytes-minus Sabertooth, of course- had run into a wee bit of trouble.  
  
"Why weren't you watching her?!" Piotr yelled.  
  
"'Cause Remy t'ought Johnny was!" Remy yelled back.  
  
"You should know better than to be trusting John with anything!" Piotr bellowed.  
  
"An' den why weren't YOU watchin' 'er?" Remy asked, "'Cause if Remy 'members right, 'e was out cold when it happened!"  
  
"This happened after you woke up!" Piotr argued.  
  
"Y' crazy, homme, Remy most certainly was not awake."  
  
"Yes you...never mind..." Piotr moaned, "Vhy must THEY be my comrades?" he muttered to himself. John, who had been watching Piotr and Remy's fight, answered.  
  
"'Cause, me mate, you signed up with us and not those X-Blokes!"  
  
Then John remembered WHY he wasn't participating in the verbal warfare.  
  
"This is all your fault!" Remy and Piotr screamed at him with their varying Russian and Cajun accents.  
  
"Hey now, mates, you never told this lil' pyro to do anything!" John said, "'Ow was I supposed to know?"  
  
"I am not believing that this is happening..." Piotr groaned.  
  
Now, you may be wondering what they're all moaning about. So I'll tell you.  
  
After lunch (which they'd shared with the X-Men, remember?) the Acolytes had decided to go on the lazy river, as it was the only semi-decent ride that they could go on with a baby. The X-Men had declined to join them, because, well, it WAS the lazy river, and they DID have a reputation to protect. So the X-Men had gone off to the Death-Defying-Spin-Up-And-Down-And-Around-er.  
  
Now, the lazy river is a very relaxing ride, as those of you who have been on one should know. Remy had fallen asleep, because he was still a little dazed from Rogue's vampire touch. Piotr had taken a break from destroying the world and fighting off those annoying little X-Men who were trying to save the world to just unwind. He didn't fall asleep, but he DID close his eyes. Meanwhile, John had begged and pleaded to be able to hold Bertha on the ride. Against their better judgment, Remy and Piotr had let him. After all, what harm could John do surrounded by water? Water puts out fire, which is John's main havoc-creating device.  
  
There was a fatal flaw in their logic. They forgot that John was insane. Insane people possess the unique talent of being able to create chaos anywhere, with anything, at anytime. Nothing will prevent them, except for a straightjacket and lots of tranquilizers. Piotr and Remy had neither of these items.  
  
While Piotr was resting (NOT ASLEEP) and Remy was sleeping, John was instructing Bertha in the fine art of water-hating.  
  
"Ya see, sheila, fire puts out water, which really isn't all that good, 'cause fire is your best-est fried!" John explained, "Fire will never betray you...well, at least it will never betray me 'cause I CONTROL it...but so long as you respect the flames they won't hurt you!" Bertha giggled.  
  
"Now you just don't annoy me, 'kay?" John asked as he settled back into the ever-so-comfortable inner tube and sunbathed. He ignored Bertha, who was sitting on his lap, and quickly fell asleep.  
  
As they bumped up against the ground surrounding the river, Bertha must have crawled off. Because currently, the Acolytes couldn't find her.  
  
Which leads us back to why they were arguing in the first place.  
  
"Well, we ain' gettin' anyt'ing done sittin' here arguin'!" Remy pointed out.  
  
"But it IS very therapeutic!" John felt oh-so inclined to point out, earning him a glare from his teammates.  
  
"John, perhaps it is better if you do not speak," Piotr suggested. John turned away and muttered darkly.  
  
"We need t' go search f'r her!" Remy said as if that was as plain as day and the other Acolytes were just being stupid.  
  
"Well, come on, how hard could it be?" John asked.  
  
"I thought you were not speaking," Piotr said.  
  
"Homme, look at dis place. Look at all de people in dis place. How we supposed to find one lil' baby in all dis?!" Remy cried.  
  
"Heh heh..." John laughed nervously as his teammates glared angrily at him.  
  
"If I hear another word from you, I swear to any and all gods you will not wake up tomorrow," Piotr threatened.  
  
----------------------  
  
"Sabertooth?" Magneto called, "Gods, where is he?"  
  
"Do you want me to find out?" Xavier asked.  
  
"If you would be so kind...the Acolytes' car is right here!" Magneto yelled, "That little furball lied to me!"  
  
"Of course he did, didn't you know that?" Xavier looked up from his searching.  
  
"No...how did you know that?" Magneto questioned suspiciously.  
  
[I am a mind reader,] Xavier pointed out.  
  
"Sorry, I forgot."  
  
"No problem, old friend."  
  
"Could you remind me to pummel Sabertooth when we find him?"  
  
"No problem."  
  
----------------------  
  
Sabertooth was growling angrily while walking back to the amusement park.  
  
"How did he not see me?!" he raged, "I was practically hit by a CAR, and he still didn't see me?! Is Magneto blind or something?!"  
  
In fact, Sabertooth was raging so loudly that back at the X-Mansion someone heard him.  
  
"Sabertooth," Wolverine growled menacingly. And, just for a sense of dramatics, Sabertooth had the sudden urge to herbal. And say the following phrase:  
  
"Wolverine."  
  
"Sabertooth!" Wolverine shouted.  
  
"Wolverine. I'll take care of you as soon as I non-fatally injure Magneto!" Sabertooth yelled back, because both mutants have enhanced senses and thus could hear each other even though they were almost 56.72359 miles apart.  
  
"I welcome your attempt!" Wolverine threw back contemptuously, setting out to meet the challenge.  
  
----------------------  
  
Uh-oh...come on, what story isn't complete without a wolvie-sabes fight? (was that a double-negative?...)  
  
The Acolytes lost Bertha. I can guarantee Magneto's not gonna be too happy about the loss of a perceived super-mutant...  
  
REVIEW!!!! I BEG YOU!!!  
  



	11. Of Lies and Broken Metatarsal Digits

**WASHAW!! I'm ba-ack!!! And guess what? My computer works right again! It's not being weird and funny anymore!!**

**Yeah.**

**Shout-outs!!**

**rage-girl-05- ohh...ouch. I think the lazy river is generally okay...but not particulary all that interesting...**

**AriKitten- doubt it. Definitely no Amyro (not a pairing I'm fond of), and I wasn't really planning on writing any more X-Men into the story...although Xavier shall continue showing up.**

**Piotr's girl- I'm mad now cause I can't find 'De Penguin'! I'm sad...it was a great fic! And I went and reread my story and found out I had indeed made Sabes and Wolvie friends...I explain in the chapter! (cheesedog?)**

**FireStarter911- A really good slash story is "I could grab it with my nub". it's gambit/pyro slash and it's hilarious. I can't remember the author...I'M GLAD YOU'RE BACK ::hugs FireStarter911 until blue:: heh heh...sorry.**

**L1701E-The 60's effects are kinda cool...like in "The Gamesters of Triskelion (sp?)" in the fight at the very end. The 'blood' on Kirk looks like watercolor paint and it amuses me to no end. I've never seen the three stooges, so I wouldn't know about the whole curly/moe/larry thing. Interesting mental picture of the Sabes/Wolvie thing...it amuses me.**

**Disclaimer- ::runs away from seething horde of lawyers:: GAH!!! GET AWAY!!! LOOK!!! THERE'S WAL-MART!!**

**Lawyers: Where?!?!**

**::Minion snickers and makes her escape, all the while whispering 'yes I do indeed own the X-Men!! BWAHAHA!! Stupid lawyers can't get me now'::**

**::Minion runs over to Morocco where copyright laws don't apply...I think...anyone care to inform me??::**

----------------------

"Bertha!" John cried, "Where are ya, sheila?"

"Bertha!" Piotr yelled.

"Y' know, she's a baby and can' answer," Remy pointed out, "Even if she wants t'."

Everyone stared stupidly at the ground hoping someone would come along and tell them what to do.

And what luck!

Someone did!

"Acolytes, what are you doing? And have you seen Sabertooth?" Magneto asked as he walked up, "Xavier is having a difficult time locating him."

"He must be shielded somehow..." Xavier mumbled.

"You haven't answered my question!" Magneto said after several moments, "Answer it!" he demanded.

"We're...umm...guys?" John mumbled.

"Do not look at me! It is your fault!" Piotr hissed quietly at him so Magneto couldn't hear.

"Um...well, mes amis et oui, we were lookin' f'r...the bat'room?" Remy stumbled through the sentence.

"I see. It is over there," Magneto said as he waved his cape in the general direction. Remy and John shot off before anyone could stop them and Piotr wasn't too far behind.

"They were lying, you know," Xavier told Magneto as they watched the retreating backs of the Acolytes. Magneto glared at him.

"Do you think it would be possible for you to tell me this as soon as you know that they're lying?" Magneto asked, "Because it doesn't help after the conversation's over."

"You could go chase them."

"I believe I will."

----------------------

"Is he following us?" John asked as the three poked their heads out of the bathroom door to spy on Magneto.

"Non...wait! Oui! Run away!" Remy screamed as Magneto suddenly turned towards them and started flying at them.

"AAHH!" Piotr yelled.

The trio retreated into the bathroom. John took the first empty stall he could find and ran in, locking the door behind him. Piotr took the farthest stall, using the logic that if Magneto looked for them one stall at a time he would _obviously_ look in the farthest one last.

Remy took off out the window on the far wall. Like he was going to be trapped in a bathroom with Magneto.

"Piotr? Remy?" John questioned. Amazingly, there were no other people in the bathroom to wonder at the seven-foot Russian and crazy-eyed Australian who were having a conversation in a bathroom while hiding from the Master of Magnetism. Amazing indeed.

"John? I believe Remy left out the window," Piotr said.

"Why would he do that?" John asked from his crouching position on the toilet. His feet were on the rim so Magneto wouldn't see them. Of course, Magneto was flying so it wouldn't really make a difference 'cause he could see over the top.

Just then, the aforementioned Master of Magnetism came in, with a giant gust of wind and swirling leaves for dramatic effect. The door banged ominously into the wall with a hollow thumping noise. Piotr and John instantly fell silent.

"Where are you?" Magneto growled. Piotr and John gulped. No one said anything for several agonizing minutes.

Magneto sighed, then waved his hands. All of the doors opened, revealing John and Piotr looking very sheepish and afraid.

"Heh heh...'ello mate!" John said with false cheer.

----------------------

Remy ran. And ran. And after that he ran a little more just to be sure he wouldn't run into Magneto.

And he didn't run into Magneto!

He ran into a very pissed-off Sabertooth!

"Watch it runt!" Sabertooth growled as he shoved Remy to the side.

"Bonjour Sabertooth!" Remy cried cheerily. He wasn't cheery for any reason other than to piss off Sabertooth. In fact, Remy _should_ have been in a state of terror.

Too bad annoying giant feral half-humans is too much fun!

Sabertooth and Remy just kinda sat there for a minute (of course, they were _standing_, but...). Remy had on a goofy, lopsided grin for the sole purpose of annoying Sabertooth. Sabertooth growled.

"So..." Remy began to break the silence, "What're y' doin' here?"

"Waiting for Wolverine."

"Oh...are y' gonna have a big fight? Lots o' blood?"

Sabertooth stared at him funny.

"Why do you care?' he asked suspiciously.

"Remy be bored. A lil' action'd be great," Remy replied, choosing to ignore the fact that he'd been running from an angry Magneto only minutes before. Then again, he may have been over the whole thing already.

"Whatever," Sabertooth sighed, deciding he didn't want to deal with the Cajun. He sniffed the air, hoping to catch a scent of his on-and-off enemy.

"Y' know, didn' you an' Wolvie 'ave tea toget'er not too long ago?" Remy asked with a smug expression on his face.

"...no..." Sabertooth replied slowly.

"Den what's dis?" Remy asked as he pulled some pictures out of his trench coat. All of them depicted Wolverine and Sabertooth having a lovely time sipping tea, except for one which had Rogue dancing like a Can-Can girl.

"Where the hell did you get those?!!" Sabertooth yelled as he lunged at Remy. Remy sidestepped and grinned wickedly.

"Ah, de beauty o' surveillance cameras!" Remy cried as he turned to run away from Sabertooth.

"GIVE THOSE BACK YOU LITTLE SHIT!!!" Sabertooth demanded. Remy looked over his shoulder and gave Sabertooth his infamous grin before waving the pictures as if daring Sabertooth to come get them (which he WAS).

----------------------

Wolverine walked towards the amusement park in full battle uniform. He climbed up the last, final hill that was all that separated him from his sworn enemy and occasional tea-buddy. He looked down from the top.

And cracked up.

"Is that Sabertooth chasing Gumbo?" Wolverine asked himself, "Wonder why." Wolverine proceeded to walk down the hill to find out.

Just then, Sabertooth caught Remy and pinned him to the ground.

"GIVE THEM TO ME!!" Sabertooth screeched as he tried to pry the pictures from Remy's hand. Remy charged up the pictures in response.

"Wan' 'em now, mon ami?" Remy asked with a smirk.

"What's going on?" Wolverine asked as he walked up.

"This little bastard got photos of our little...drinking togetherness time!" Sabertooth cried.

"He WHAT?!?!" Wolverine exclaimed.

"We know what we have to do..." Sabertooth said ominously.

"Indeed," Wolverine replied in an equally ominous voice.

----------------------

**LATER!!!**

"Well...this did not goes as well as planned," Magneto remarked as he looked upon his Acolytes. John and Piotr were nursing bruises from where the metal bits Magneto had caused to whirl around in anger had hit them. Remy was nursing multiple lacerations, contusions, and a broken fifth metatarsal digit. Sabertooth _had_ been nursing several burns from Remy's explosions, but because Sabes is special he had already healed. He was currently looking at Remy's injuries with great amusement.

"Ya know, we still don't got Bertha," John remarked. Remy and Piotr grimaced. They hadn't wanted to bring that up.

"I am aware of that fact. I have called the police and they sending out search parties. I have also notified the amusement park manager," Magneto said, "Tomorrow you will aid the search. However, first I believe it is prudent to let you heal...and you still need to clean up the mess in the recreation room."

All the Acolytes groaned.

----------------------

Somewhere, Xavier was laughing his head off and greatly scaring the X-Men with his unexplained highly out-of-character behavior.

----------------------

**a broken fifth metatarsal digit is a broken little toe. In case some of you were worried 'bout poor little remy...that's twice he's been beaten up by Sabes in my fic...heh heh...::runs away from crazy fangirls who are attempting to kill Minion for hurting remy::**

**Review!!!!!!! REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!! Review or I'll...set Sabertooth AND Wolverine on you!!**

**Sabertooth: You don't control me!**

**Wolverine: Me either!**

**Minion: Heh heh...just a little joke...::sabes and wolvie close in:: GAHHH!!!! NO!!! THE PAIN!!! IT BURNS!!!!!!!!!!**


	12. I updated You think of a chapter name

**Wow, took me awhile to update again...sorry. Me life suddenly decided to get busy. Oh well, I've done absolutely nothing since school ended...so I suppose I HAVE to do something EVENTUALLY...my cousin's graduating. Just in case you were wondering...or cared.**

**SHOUT-OUTS!!!**

**Demon- You hate romys? I love the pairing, but there's too many badly written ones out there...I prefer acolyte stories. Or strictly remy stories without any rogue. Romys have just gotten too cliché. And it's spelled 'hilarious'. Just so ya know.**

**Piotr's girl- Umm...magneto is really mean...::scampers away::**

**Karakin- I have been told I have a strange mind...and also a sick one.**

**FireStarter911- I gave you a shout-out and you didn't even review!! How's that?! I believe you need to fix your author alert or something...cause I've been missing you...**

**rage-girl-05- they do have a love/hate relationship. I personally think they're long lost brothers or something.**

**childrenwithblades- Heh heh...it conjures amusing pictures in my mind...**

**L1701E- Yeah, I didn't feel like checking 'triskelion'. I could've if I really wanted too. Ice brawl...I might be able to work that in somewhere...And gambit should learn from his mistakes and stop messing with sabes.**

**DISCLAIMER- Umm...I'm not making any money...I would if I could...but then Marvel would swoop down from the sky and kill me...and that wouldn't be good now would it?**

**Chapter 12...now available on DVD and VHS**

----------------------

Magneto made sure everyone was up bright and early the next day. And no one was particularly happy about it.

"Mags...it's four in the morning..." John whined.

"I do not care!' Magneto answered. Just then, the phone rang. John ran over to answer it.

"Fire-Boy's Pizza, how may I help you?" John asked cheerily.

"Gimme dat!" Remy exclaimed as he jumped towards the phone.

"What? I'm sorry, we don't serve 'Magneto' as a pizza topping," John said. Obviously the person on the other line had said something along the lines of 'May I speak to Magneto?'

"John!" Remy grabbed the phone.

"Hey! I got as much right to answer the phone as you do!" John yelled as he yanked the phone out of Remy's grasp. Remy grabbed it again and charged it.

"Y' wan' it NOW, mon ami?" Remy asked. John sighed and let go.

"Hello?" Remy asked, "Please excuse my...associate...he's sufferin' from several s'vere mental diseases."

"Um...right...Is there a Magneto there?" the poor person on the other line asked.

"Oui, jus' one second," Remy replied as he walked over to where Magneto was instructing Piotr on the fine art of getting asparagus baby food out of a carpet. How Magneto knew how to do that we'll never know.

"Just scrub in smooth, circular motions," Magneto explained, "That's right, keep doing that until it comes out!"

"Um...Magneto?" Remy asked.

"What is it?!" Magneto's nerves were fried from the constant complaining of his Acolytes.

"Dere's someone on de phone f'r y'," Remy answered.

"Give me that!" Magneto was having some anger problems that morning. Remy did so and scampered off to go do...something. Use your imagination.

"Hello, this is Magneto, the future ruler of the world. How may I help you?" Magneto asked.

"This is the amusement park...we'd like to inform you that we have found your missing child."

"Ah, yes, wonderful. I shall be there shortly," he replied. Magneto briefly entertained the notion of sending one of his lackeys to go get Bertha, but decided against it almost immediately. They'd probably just botch it up.

"Acolytes! I have wonderful news! The amusement park staff has located...Bertha (Magneto still didn't believe that his henchman had named her that)...and I will be going to collect her. If this room is not clean by the time I get back there WILL be hell to pay," Magneto threatened. He then proceeded to float out of the room. His Acolytes looked around for a moment.

"Well...dey found Bert'a. Dat's good," Remy remarked.

"It is a positive turn of events," Piotr agreed.

"Mags seemed like 'e really wanted us to clean up," John said, "Maybe we should."

"Yeah," Piotr and Remy agreed.

----------------------

Magneto drove to the amusement park. He could've flown and saved himself some trouble, not to mention gas money, but he wanted to make a good impression. And he wasn't entirely sure how he could fly AND hold a baby at the same time, so the car it was.

Magneto pulled up into the parking lot. Because it was four in the morning, no one was really there except for the poor employees who have to be there at four in the morning. Magneto walked into the office.

"I'm here about a missing child?" Magneto told the receptionist-type person.

"Ah yes, would you be Magneto?" the receptionist asked.

"Yes."

"And do you have any sort of ID that can prove to me that you're who you claim to be?"

"WHAT?!!" Magneto challenged.

"I'm sorry, but you know with all the identity theft stuff going around, I just can't let you take the child without the proper identification."

"How many Masters of Magnetism do you think there are?!!"

"Sir, please be reasonable..."

"Reasonable?!" Magneto said as if he were shocked. Which he was.

"Sir, do you have an ID or don't you?" the receptionist asked. Magneto growled and turned to walk out the door. When he reached the doorframe, he turned back toward the receptionist slightly.

"Do not think you got off easy. I shall return and then you will pay!" Magneto warned menacingly. He stalked angrily to his car and drove off.

The receptionist sat there in shock for several minutes before looking at the phone and debating whether or not to send the police after the crazy man in a cape. In the end, she decided it would make a great episode of 'Cops', and 911 she did call.

----------------------

Magneto was not happy at all as he walked into the base. How dare that lady insinuate that HE, THE MASTER OF MAGNETISM!!, would lie about who he was!!

As a result, the almost-but-not-quite clean room he walked into sent him into a tirade.

"I TOLD YOU TO CLEAN THIS UP!!" Magneto yelled.

The Acolytes looked around. Everything was spotless. Things were even giving off little stars just to show how clean they were. Then they looked at the spot roughly three inches from Magneto's left foot. There was a tiny, minuscule, almost-microscopic, infinitesimal, drop of baby food.

"Um, Mags? There's barely anything there!" John complained.

"Yeah homme, dat's barely even noticeable!"

Magneto snarled, which was really something to see.

"We are cleaning!" Piotr cried and the other two quickly joined in.

"Good," Magneto said, "And after that's done...we have a little business to take care off..."

----------------------

**Do you all realize that this fic will never end? Somewhere around chapter 68 I'll just get sick of writing a just stop.**

**Sorry about the shortness...I've been trying to update at least once a week so you guys don't have to wait too long...because all the fics I love take forever and a day to update...leaving me very sad indeed.**

**Ya know what's funny? I have 64 reviews!!! And still I beg for more...ha ha...**


	13. Of Nefarious Plots and Eletrical Fences

**Sorry about the long update again...but this time I have a really good excuse! My computer got a virus...and we took it to some computer-fixer- people. They said it would take two days to fix. Apparently they didn't take into account just how screwed my computer was...it took them a week to fix. And in the end they had to wipe out everything on my computer and reinstall the operating system. So it took them a week and $300 to fix my computer. And then it started acting screwy again, but this time I fixed it on my own. But I've been having to re-do everything. So that's my excuse.  
  
Okay, feel sorry for me.  
  
You can stop while I do shout-outs  
  
whiterose934- a Gambit plushie?!! I get Rem-rem!!! ::does a crazy dance:: WHAHHOO!!! Me a happy girl!! ::kisses Gambit plushie:: Unfortunately, I don't think it can go on forever...because I think eventually I have to die. But I think I can work around that...meh.  
  
Piotr's girl- asparagus is ishkey!!! But me mum likes it.  
  
Idypebsaby- you are back!! And is your name spelt with a capital 'I' or a little 'l'? I can't tell and guessed 'I'...because. I don't know what DVD/VHS thing you're talking about. Car e to enlighten me? Then maybe I could tell you...  
  
childrenwithblades- maybe...not sure...depends. If I can fit it in, I will.  
  
L1701E- Hee hee...me likey ideas...heh heh heh...  
  
Angel of the Fallen Stars- Sorry I couldn't update soon...but I didn't take too long...Thanks for reviewing!!!  
  
FireStarter911- ::huggles:: YAY!!!! Everyday, huh? Sorry I took so long...  
  
AriKitten- Yes, Cops. Funny show. People are stupid. As proved by that show.  
  
Pyro Lady- Hmm...take ESL courses? Get spell check? I can't really help you spelling-wise...unless you would want me to beta-read for you, which I would be happy to do. If you want just send what you have to . I don't have any John/Wanda stories...my friend has an abandoned John/Tabby...but no Jonda.  
**

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"Okay men, here's the plan!" Magneto said dramatically. The Acolytes looked at him skeptically. They had learned to be cautious when Magneto slipped into his infamous 'leader-mode'. Magneto's leader-mode was almost as bad as Scott's.  
  
"Colossus and Pyro, you two shall cause a distraction to distract those fiends at the amusement park. Gambit, you and Sabertooth shall sneak into the enemy's base and retake possession of Bertha..."  
  
"I haven't forgotten about those pictures, runt!" Sabertooth growled under his breath to Remy. Remy gulped nervously.  
  
"...and I shall terrorize the manager of the amusement park for defying ME, THE one and only Master of Magnetism!" Magneto ended dramatically, "Move out!"  
  
Five big metal S.P.H.E.R.E's (Suspended Polished Heavy Evenly Round Erm...things) dropped down from the sky and split open. Everyone went to their appointed S.P.H.E.R.E, except for Sabertooth, who went to Magneto's big S.P.H.E.R.E. Needless to say, this caused a bit of a fight.  
  
"Sabertooth! You know full well that that is MY S.P.H.E.R.E!" Magneto scolded.  
  
"But I'M bigger than you! How come you have the biggest S.P.H.E.R.E?!" Sabertooth demanded.  
  
"Because I'M the leader! Now get to your S.P.H.E.R.E!" Magneto explained angrily. Sabertooth stood there defiantly.  
  
"Sabertooth! The order is you, Pyro, me, Gambit, Colossus! You know that!" Magneto said. Sabertooth did nothing to indicate he was listening...or caring. Magneto sighed and made his big S.P.H.E.R.E switch places with Sabertooth's and close over him.  
  
"Now that that's over, let us go!" Magneto made all of the S.P.H.E.R.E's fly off into the sunset. Even though it was morning and the sun hadn't come up yet.  
  
"Alright. Pyro, Colossus, go break and set fire to random objects. Sabertooth, Gambit, go around to the back and break in," Magneto ordered. He then went and floated off in search of that annoying secretary that DARED to suggest that he wasn't him!  
  
"Well, y' heard de man, let's go," Remy sighed. Everyone nodded and walked off.  
  
"Heh heh...I get paid to set things on fire!" John giggled. He set a bush on fire just for fun as he spoke. Piotr sighed.  
  
"I do not enjoy creating property damage," Piotr complained, "It is not very nice."  
  
"You're no fun, ya know that?" John whined, "Why couldn't Rem be my partner? He enjoys causing 'property damage'" John said, doing little air- quote-y things.  
  
"Because having you two trying to cause a distraction would result in Bayville burning to the ground," Piotr sighed.  
  
----------------------  
  
Meanwhile, Sabertooth and Gambit were having slight...issues...working together.  
  
"As soon as this mission's over, you're going down," Sabertooth threatened, "First I'll beat the shit out of you, then I'll staple you to the ceiling, then I'll get a cattle prod and poke you with it for a week, then I'll...hmm...what will I do next?" Sabertooth pondered. Remy, who had been growing steadily more nervous, suddenly had an idea. He too off running at the fence they were walking towards and pulled out his Bo-staff.  
  
"I know!" Sabertooth exclaimed, "I'll...WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!!"  
  
Remy came up to the fence and vaulted over it ala "Under Lock and Key."  
  
"Hey!" Sabertooth demanded, "How am I supposed to get over?!"  
  
"Not m' problem, homme," Remy smirked. Sabertooth grabbed the fence and tried to rip it off, but not only did this action set off many loud and obnoxious alarms; it also electrocuted him. Remy laughed. Finally HE won!  
  
"Do you have any idea how much pain I will cause you when I finally catch you?!!" Sabertooth yelled. Remy smirked and started to walk off.  
  
"Get back here LeBeau!" to which Remy replied by flipping Sabertooth off.  
  
"ERGH!!" Sabertooth growled.  
  
----------------------  
  
John was laughing maniacally. Piotr was looking at him with a disturbed expression.  
  
"Not only do I get to burn stuff, I can steal kitty plushies!" John cackled as he grabbed an armful of kitten plushies from on of those carnival games where you knock over a stack of bottles and win stuff.  
  
"John, perhaps it is a stupid question...but vhy do you vant kitten- like toys?" Piotr asked, "They are not generally viewed as...something a mature person would want."  
  
"Maturity is overrated!" John cried defensively as he snuggled with his stolen toys.  
  
----------------------  
  
Remy was walking along, not sure exactly where he was heading. He was just pleased he'd managed to ditch Sabes. He remembered Magneto saying something about getting back Bertha or something...he didn't really care. The baby was cute and everything, but really more trouble than she was worth.  
  
Remy was thinking about trying to start one of the rides by himself (because the park wasn't open yet) when he ran into Magneto.  
  
"Watch where you're going!" Magneto growled, "And where is Sabertooth?" Magneto asked as he noticed Sabes wasn't there.  
  
"He, umm...died? Oui, 'e died protectin' y' dream o' mutant supremacy!" Remy lied.  
  
"Ahh!! He shall gain a place of honor in the new world order! He will be remembered as one selfless enough to DIE to protect what he believed in!" Magneto exclaimed whilst a small tear rolled down his cheek, "But enough of that! Come Gambit, we shall avenge him! Take me to the people who have slain Sabertooth! And then we shall have our justice!"  
  
"Uh...oui?" Remy said as he pondered how to get out of that mess without losing a limb or two.  
  
"Lead on!" Magneto cried. Remy chose a random direction and tried as hard as he could to think something up. He got nil. _Magneto's gonna kill me...then Sabertooth's probably gonna eat me or something_, Remy thought, _merde.  
_  
----------------------  
  
**Well...that wasn't too long. Oh well. I was writing this on paper because of my lack of a computer...and it was like eight pages. Then I type it and it's only 2. Go figure.  
**

**Ya know what!! I got TWO X-Evo DVD's!!!! ::does a happy little jig::  
I want 100 reiews...not necessarily on THIS chapter (although that would be cool and I would love you all) but eventually. I'm already ¾ of the way there... let's keep it up!!! **


	14. The Life and Times of Robert Robertson

**Okay!!! I felt a great need to get this chapter up quickly because tomorrow I shall be going on vacation and I won't have access to a computer…and I'll be gone for about two weeks…and then school starts!! ACK!!!! RUN AWAY!!!!**

**Woohooo….**

**whiterose934- Don't worry, Remy doesn't get eaten…I would never KILL Remy…hurt him, maim him, yes, but never KILL. I have the one with 'The Cauldron' on it and another that has 'On Angel's Wings' ::snicker::. I'm too lazy to go see what they're called.**

**Pyro Lady- That's the one, I know, it's really too bad it was abandoned. I can't seem to find your story. I need a link or something.**

**Angel-In-Black- I'm not demanding!! I'm just saying, it would be nice. There's this one story out there that has about 2900 reviews, and I just looked at it and drooled…I love reviews. They make me happy.**

**MeWhoExactlyWhat- No, I don't think 'cool' quite describes it, but hey, it works. And Gambit's very good at pushing people's buttons…and it tends to get him in trouble.**

**L1701E-YAY!!! More suggestions…they help me get through writer's block!! Thanks!!!**

**The Sovereign of Selenity- YAY!!! TWO new reviewers!!! I read fluff too, sometimes, but it gets old for me. I'll see what I can do about the updating beyond the grave type thing (but I wanna get cremated!! Heh heh…FIRE!!) I'm sorry, I don't really like Kiotr either, but I had to pair Piotr with SOMEONE…so Kitty it was. I personally like Lancitty better.**

**Angel of the Fallen Stars- Remy doesn't die!! Although Rogue doesn't save him…**

**Idypebsaby- Don't worry, Remy gets out of it…**

----------------------

Police Chief Robert Robertson was not happy about being called out in the nether hours of the morning because some wacko had decided that it would be fun to raid the amusement park. Why couldn't those damn delinquents choose _sensible_ hours to do their badness? He didn't want them to _stop_ doing bad things though; that would put him out of a job.

But nevertheless, he was VERY ticked as his squad car pulled into the amusement park parking lot. Two more cars followed behind him.

Chief Robertson took a swig of coffee before stepping out of his car.

He stopped dead in his tracks.

Why was the giant roller coaster in front of him running?

And why were there little people made of fire riding it?

Police Chief Robertson gaped.

"What the hell is that?" Inspector John Johnson asked from behind Robertson.

"That's a very good question," Robertson answered.

----------------------

"Mwuaaahahaha!" John giggled insanely.

"John…I believe vhe haf caused enough damage for a distraction…perhaps we should be stopping?" Piotr asked tentatively. John whirled around.

"NO!!!" John shouted, before breaking out in laughter, "It's so much fun!! Fire fire fire…" John started doing a strange little dance. All of the fire around him started swaying in time with his waltz.

"But John…vhe haf destroyed most of the park!"

"We have not. Geez, you worry too much," John answered, obviously choosing to ignore the fires raging all about the park.

Just then, Robert Robertson and his cronies/fellow police officers showed up.

"Cease and desist!" Robertson yelled. John stuck out his tongue at Robertson.

"Try and make me!" he called gleefully.

"We've got muties on our hands!" James Jameson yelled out. John rolled his eyes and let out a loud 'Duh!'

"Hey cop-guys!" John shouted, "Are you gonna shoot us or something?" John made a fire gun appear in his hand and fire people form all around him. He then opened fire on the little people, and his wonderful mutant abilities cause all of the fire beings to jerk and twitch around and then 'die' by extinguishing themselves.

The police just stared.

"Aw man, now I don't have any more fire…" John whined, "Oh well." He shrugged and turned to Piotr.

"Now whaddya wanna do?" John asked.

"Umm…" Piotr shot a scared look over at the police, "Let us go find Magneto."

"Okay!!" John agreed cheerily and they skipped off.

"Well…that was odd…" Clark Clarkson remarked.

----------------------

"So…" Magneto said, "Where are the atrocious people who have slain dear Sabertooth?"

"Umm…I don' remember?" Remy replied.

"Well then! We shall have to go find them!" Magneto declared.

"Uh…yeah…" Remy agreed.

----------------------

Sabertooth was not happy. He never really is. Today, however, he had a reason. He had been forced to get up early in the morning, work with one of the people he absolutely despised, and had gotten ditched by said despised person. He grumbled to himself about the unfairness of life, and was considering leaving to go and find Logan and talk about the horrible travesty that was life.

Then the police showed up.

And Sabertooth decided wreaking havoc among the cops would be just as therapeutic.

----------------------

"What's dat?" Remy asked as loud noises started coming from the back of the park.

"Guns! Come! It must be those evil men who murdered Sabertooth!" Magneto answered dramatically and flew off. Remy ran off behind him.

They ran nearer and nearer to the sounds of gunshots, and as the people firing the guns came into view so did another person.

"Sabertooth!" Magneto cried, turning to Gambit, "I thought you said he was dead!"

"Um…his healing factor must a' t'rown me off…" Remy replied.

"Never mind…we must help him!" Magneto exclaimed. So Magneto took all of the guns away from the cop-peoples and because these were really weak cops they all started whimpering because they no longer had their guns.

"P-p-please don't hurt us!!" Clark Clarkson simpered.

"How dare you attack one of my henchman!" Magneto raged, "We are the future! We are superior! We are, we are, we are!!!" Magneto yelled childishly.

"Okay!! You're superior!!!! We believe you!!!! Please don't kill me!!!" Robert Robertson whimpered.

"Ah…it is nice to be worshipped by mere, pitiful humans…" Magneto sighed. Gambit and Sabertooth looked at each other.

"I still need to pound your face in, kid," Sabertooth growled.

"Heh heh…meep!" Remy said nervously before running off.

"Here we go again…" Sabertooth mumbled before giving chase.

----------------------

"So mate, where do ya think Mags hangs out?" John asked.

"I would not be knowing where a super-evil villain would spend time, as I am not a super-evil villain," Piotr replied.

"Then what're ya doin' here?"

"That is none of your concern," Piotr said.

"Well, if you won't tell me I'll just have to assume that you work for Mags because you're scared of Xavier!" John exclaimed.

"No, John, it is you who is scared of Xavier."

"I know! Have you seen that guy's eyebrows?!! They're wicked scary!! I think he plucks them!"

----------------------

ELSEWHERE!!!

_[Oh, you think I pluck my eyebrows, do you?!! We'll see about that…oh, and say 'hi' to Magneto for me and tell him I love him!]_

----------------------

"Hey! Is that Magneto over there! I need to tell him something important all of a sudden!" John cried excitedly.

"Um…I believe that is Magneto…" Piotr replied while edging away slightly. John ran over to Magneto and Piotr followed not far behind.

"Ah! I see you two have returned victoriously!" Magneto praised, sending glances over towards Remy and Sabertooth as if to ask 'And why aren't YOU returning victoriously?!' But then Magneto remembered that Sabertooth had almost DIED for Magneto's cause, so he should be more lenient.

As soon as Magneto stopped looking at them, Remy and Sabertooth started fighting again. They'd only stopped because Magneto would probably be angry at them if they killed each other.

"Um…Magneto…I need to tell you something…" John seemed slightly confuzzled, "I…I…"

"What is it?" Magneto demanded.

"HI!!!" John suddenly screamed, "I LOVE YOU!!!!"

"What?" Magneto looked dumbfounded. John seemed to snap out of a trance.

"So mates, what're we doing standing around here for? Aren't we going to go rescue Bertha?" he flipped his lighter open and close.

Everyone else, who had been looking at John suspiciously, remembered that yes, they _were_ on a mission, and they went to go complete it. Magneto was forced to separate Remy and Sabertooth's little brawl with some well-said words about peace, love, and what he'd do to them if they didn't stop this very INSTANT!!

Needless to say, the fight ended rather quickly.

----------------------

** Heyyyyyy yaaaaaaahhhhh… THAT'S QUITE POSSIBLY THE MOST ANNOYING SONG EVER WRITTEN!!!! GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!**

**Ahem…Well, because it might annoy Angel-In-Black and stop her (? I generally assume people with 'angel' somewhere in they're name are girls) from giving me a review…I won't demand any this time!! But I would appreciate some…**

**I've been forgetting this again..**

**DISCLAIMER- There was a fish…in the percolator…**


	15. The Return of Bertha!

**I'm so sorry that this is a really short chapter, but I'm going to be gone another week so I wanted to get what I had up quick so all my reviewers had some more food!! Or writing...that too. My vacation is really THREE vacations in one, a weekend with me dad's family, a week with my mom's (that I just got back from) and a week at band camp to get some quality time with me flute!!! Yay!!!**

**Shout-outs!!!**

**rage-girl-05- it is crazy. Thanks for reviewing.**

**Pyro Lady- Well, it's not really Pyro loving Magneto, it's more Xavier FORCING Pyro to love Magneto. And, I tried to click on your pen-name, but you had no stories. Did you remove yours??**

**Idypebsaby-I did have fun on my vacation!! But I don't really have a life beyond fanfic...it's really quite sad...**

**The Silent Lady- I can tell you've had a bit of sugar...milk, eh? Never tried that...and they do need to get seasons 34 out because that's where all the good episodes are!!!**

**Angel of the Fallen Stars- Of course I'd maim Remy!! It's my job!! Wouldn't YOU be scared of Xavier's eyebrows??**

**L1701E- One of your suggestions will be coming up, slightly modified, but still mostly yours. Congrats!!! I didn't watch Twin Peaks, but I did watch 'I love the 90's', so I know a bit about it.  
**

----------------------

"Alright, new plan. Since I obviously can't trust you to work together without a mediator, we shall all stay in one group to get Bertha. I know where she is, so I shall lead us," Magneto stated.

"Vhat is a 'mediator'," Piotr asked, because obviously he didn't know what it meant because he really doesn't speak English all that well.

"It's a fire in the middle of a street, come on!" John said as everyone left (No one bothered to correct him.)

So they walked. True to his word, Magneto DID know where they were going...and within five minutes the Acolytes were standing outside of the office.

"Acolytes...attack!" Magneto shouted. And they did. Sabertooth ran through a wall, Piotr chucked a random piece of metal at the building, Remy threw a card at it, and Pyro burnt the bushes around it. Magneto did nothing because he had lackeys to do it FOR him.

The building fell down. All of the walls fell out and the ceiling collapsed. The only things that survived were the secretary and her chair, and a crib with a certain small person in it.

"Bertha!!" the Acolytes (minus Sabertooth) yelled as one.

"Brhhhmmm!!!" Bertha replied.

"EEEPP!!" the secretary shrieked.

"Bwuahaha!! Now I shall have my revenge!" Magneto declared. He floated over to the secretary ominously. The secretary cowered.

"Mutants are the dominant species!!" Magneto yelled, "SAY IT!!"

"Uh, em, mutants are the dominant species!!!" secretary-woman whimpered.

"Good. Acolytes, take Bertha and we shall be taking our leave of this place."

So Piotr grabbed Bertha and they all left via the S.P.H.E.R.E.

----------------------

"Uh, Magneto?" Gambit asked nervously, still not sure which side of Magneto he was on.

"Yes, lackey?" Magneto sighed.

"Well, we're really not equipped t' be watchin' a baby...maybe we shoul' get some supplies?" Remy suggested.

"Hmm...that is an excellent idea. Let us leave at once!" Magneto declared loudly. They had just touched down from getting back from the amusement park. Piotr and John glared and Remy, because they had been planning on sleeping but NOW they had to go shopping!! Thanks Rem!!

So Magneto made them all fly to the Wal-Mart. They got out (amid many strange looks from people who weren't used to seeing five giant metallic orbs come down from the sky).

"So, whadda we need for a baby? Does it involve lighters?!!" John asked while grinning crazily.

"No, you need to go get-GET BACK HERE NOW!!!" Magneto began explaining before being distracted by Gambit and Pyro running off to go do their own thing.

"ERGH!! How dare they disobey me!! Come Colossus, Sabertooth, let us get supplies...and then find those miscreants," Magneto growled. So Magneto, Sabertooth, and Colossus went to get baby stuff and Pyro and Gambit went off to do who knows what.

----------------------

**Sorry!! Short!!! But it was that or nothing so...there you are.**

**I got out another story...if you would want to check it out...pweese??**

**Disclaimer: Coconuts are your friends. You love coconuts. Or you should...**


	16. WalMart is a scary place

**Alright, I'm back…once again, this is a pretty short chapter (only 700 words!!), but I should be updating again pretty soon…so deal with it.**

**Shout-outs!!!!!**

**AriKitten- I'm not quite sure how to respond to that…yes, Bertha IS back!!! Sound the trumpets!!!**

**Selly- Hmm…that IS a very good question….::runs off to ponder::**

**rage-girl-05- Yeah…I need a new bike. And a new CD player. Wal-Mart's lookin' pretty good right now...You riding bikes all over Wal-Mart conjures funny images in my head…**

**Piotr's girl- You didn't?!!! I feel sorry for you…truth be told, neither have I. Perhaps these s.p.h.e.r.e.'s have cloaking devices so none can see them…must ponder this…**

**Angel of The Fallen Stars- Go to this place ) and look at the picture that's like the fourth one down. And I am a girl of many jobs…and my story don't make sense? 'Doesn't make sense' in that you don't get what's going on; or 'doesn't make sense' in that this stuff would never ever happen in real x-evo? Just wondering…**

**L1701E- I've seen the 70's and 80's ones too…but not every year. Just most. And I lied…your suggestion is coming in the chapter _after_ this one. But it's coming.**

**Pyro Lady- Yeah, I found and reviewed it. You should have gotten the review by now.**

**Idypebsaby- You don't have a life outside of fanfic? Don't worry, neither do I!!!**

**Chapter 16!!!! I feel accomplished.**

OOO

John giggled madly as he ran down the many aisles of Wal-Mart. So many flammable things! The only thing he was sightly sad about was the fact that Magneto would probably stop him before he could light EVERYTHING on fire…oh well. John knew he could get pretty far before Magneto found him.

Then John had an idea He could get lots of candy and other stuff he wanted and THEN burn it all down.

John cackled as he went off to the candy aisle.

OOO

Remy searched through the Wal-Mart. Where the heck did they keep them? His eyes wandered over the last aisle. He finally sighted his quarry.

Hoyle cards. Oh yes.

OOO

"Sabertooth, I want you to go get diapers, wipes, and other essential items. Colossus, you shall go get things to keep a baby amused," Magneto ordered. His lackeys went off to do his bidding.

"I vish I knew vhat little babies liked to do…" Piotr said to himself, "That vould be helpful in my current predicament." Piotr walked down the center aisle, passing by school supplies. Piotr stopped for a second and considered something. He liked to draw, right? Maybe a baby would too!

So Piotr grabbed markers, colored pencils, and those big 128-packs of crayons that every kid wants but never gets. He also snatched some drawing paper for himself and some cheapo paper for Bertha (let's not waste good paper on bad artists…)

OOO

Sabertooth was kinda ticked that Magneto had given him the menial task of getting diapers. Why did people always think he was stupid just because he looked like an over-grown, slightly crazed cat? It wasn't very nice.

Sabertooth grabbed the first bag of diapers he saw, then the last box of wipes he saw (just to mix things up a bit..). It was so degrading!! Why was this task forced upon him?! Why couldn't Gambit or Pyro or someone else do it?!! Those two were the ones who ran off…Sabertooth made a mental note to cause them severe physical pain. They deserved it for making him go into the infant department. All of the newlywed, pregnant, young, happy couples were staring at the giant, feral creature with expressions that were fighting between fear, disgust, and amusement. Sabertooth growled at them and they all stopped looking at him very quickly.

OOO

Magneto had been wandering Wal-Mart while he waited for his minions to do his bidding. He was currently debating whether he should get a couple of boxes of paper clips (they were 75% off) to spook Mystique with. Scaring Mystique was very entertaining.

OOO

Pyro ran blindly through Wal-Mart, his arms filled with all sorts of stuff: lighters (naturally), CD's, licorice, a shirt with the name of some Australian band on it, gum balls, a goldfish, and a pair of tweezers, to name a few of the many items. John was looking for Magneto, because Magneto would buy it for him because that's Acolyte Policy. Magneto buys.

John was running around a corner when he ran smack dab into Magneto. Everything in John's hands went flying.

"Pyro!" Magneto yelled in annoyance. He wasn't happy about being disturbed from his paper clip ponderings.

"Uh…hey Mags!!" John cried cheerfully, hoping his cheerfulness would rub off on Magneto.

It didn't.

"Pyro…would you care to explain to me what your problem is?" Magneto asked through clenched teeth.

"Okay mate!! I got ADD and ADHD and I'm a pyromaniac…" Magneto just gaped as John went through a big long list of various mental disorders.

"…and did I mention AD-HEY!! I need you to buy some things for me!!" John yelled at the top of his lungs.

"What is it?" Magneto growled.

"Um…all this stuff…" John gestured to the many objects strewn all around aisle four.

Magneto sighed and grumbled to himself. Yes, good help WAS hard to find.

"Come, my lackey, let us go find my other pathetic minions…"

OOO

Piotr had discovered the baby toys aisle when Magneto and John finally found him. Piotr seemed to have one of everything.

Magneto was starting to discover a pattern.

And he didn't like it.

_No more trips to Wal-Mart…EVER!!!! _Magneto silently vowed.

OOO

** Heh heh…guess what I just got at Wal-Mart!!! That's right!! A Linkin Park CD!!! Bout time I did too…been debating on getting one for a couple of months now…I've had it about three days and I've already probably listened to it 18 or 19 times straight through…I wish I had a life.**

** Disclaimer- At first, there was nothing. Then God said, "Let there be light!!" And then there was still nothing, but now you could see it.**

** One more thing…let's all give big hugs to Haruka at Haruka's HTML-Challenged X-Men Evolution Snap Page (it's called something like that…and I can't be bothered to find the address…so blah). People have been stealing her snaps…me included, but I said they were her's so…HUGS!!! Hugs for everyone!!!__**


	17. Coloring Books and Bills

**I HAVE PASSED 100 REVIEWS!!!! COOKIES FOR EVERYONE!!!**

**Idypebsaby- Yeah he is. And Magneto…I just kinda assumed he'd have a lot of money like Xavier.**

**Angel of the Fallen Stars- Hmm…for some reason it doesn't show up…search for 'Beckna', and you might be able to find it…you're looking for 'Beckna [co] [uk]! YAAAY!!!' And your review showed up three times…would that mean that I only have 105 reviews??? And I wasn't mad at you. I just wanted to make sure everyone got what was going on.**

**Selly- Thanks.**

**AriKitten- That's coming up.**

**rage-girl-05- Nope, I got Meteora. Spray paint appealed to me more than a giant anime robot. But I might get reanimation…pyrocandy=::shudder::…**

**bobtheheadlesschicken- Like the name. And Minion's the only one writing this story. Just because she feels possessive. **

**L1701E- Sabertooth had a GIRLFRIEND??? That disturbs me…**

**I'm trying a new way of writing John's accent…wanna give me feedback??**

OOO

Magneto was getting a little worried about how big the Wal-Mart bill was going to be. And he still needed to find to of his lackeys.

John and Piotr walked behind Magneto, Piotr pushing a giant cart crammed to the brim with all sorts of junk. Bertha was in the cute little seat that the cart-making people were so kind as to provide them with. John was looking around suspiciously. Where was that squeaking sound coming from? He'd looked everywhere he could think of!

Then John's eyes finally landed on the source of the whining. The front left wheel of the cart. John pulled out his lighter.

Piotr had an instant of warning, just long enough to shout, "John!," before the fire engulfed the offending wheel.

OOO

No one was particulary happy when they stumbled upon Remy several minutes later. Piotr's hair was singed and smelt horrible (burned hair smells REALLY REALLY bad…) The cart had careened wildly without one of its wheels (a design flaw, in John's opinion,) and everything in it had spilt out all over the floor, including Bertha, who was now bawling her head off because she'd been dumped very unceremoniously on the ground. Piotr was holding her and trying unsuccessfully to get her to stop crying. John had been sent to go get another cart and clean up everything that had spilled.

Magneto wasn't in a good mood. So he felt no sympathy what-so-ever for Remy's dilemma.

"Mes amis, coul' y' help me decide? Red or blue?" Remy asked, holding up two decks of cards (a red deck and a blue deck, obviously.)

"Gambit, now is not the time," Magneto growled.

"But I really need some help here, home!" Remy pleaded. Piotr resisted the urge to smack Remy upside the head. Bertha let out a rather large shriek.

"What's de femme cryin' 'bout?" Remy asked, taking a moment from his card ponderings.

"Ask John when he gets back," Piotr answered.

"Well, while we be waitin'…red or blue?"

Piotr had to really restrain himself from strangling Remy this time. Luckily, John came running back with a cart…well, it was more like he'd been running with it and had jumped on it and was now riding it down the aisle as it careened way too fast.

"Y-EAH hahaha!!!!" John laughed crazily before crashing into a display of dictionaries and knocking all of the big heavy books over.

"Ow…" John screamed to the world.

"Comrade!!! Are you alvright?!!"

"Pyro!!! You imbecile!!!"

"Mon ami!!! Red or blue?!!"

"WAAAHHHHH!!!!"

OOO

Sabertooth was picking out pink, frilly, girly outfits when a loud crashing sound rang throughout Wal-Mart, followed by various shouts. Sabertooth was pretty sure he recognized the voices and strolled over to go see what happened.

Piotr was alternating yelling at John and yelling at Remy. No one knew what about, though, because it was all in a constant stream of Russian. John was rubbing his head and looking indignant as Piotr yelled him. Remy was holding cards in both hands and waving them around dramatically while yelling back at Piotr in Creole. Bertha was on the floor, screaming and throwing a temper tantrum.

Magneto was floating above them all, holding the bridge of his nose like he had migraine.

Sabertooth fought back laughter. Ah, the pain of innocents…

Magneto turned around and spotted Sabertooth.

"I'll be over by the register…clean all this up!" Magneto ordered before floating over to the medicine aisle, grabbing a bottle of Advil, and popping two pills.

Sabertooth took a deep breath and waited for a lull in the screaming.

When one finally came he roared as loud as he could.

Everything fell silent.

"Load up the cart," Sabertooth growled. Everyone hurried to comply. Even Bertha.

Once the cart was loaded, they all headed to the register, finding Magneto reading a tabloid with the headline, "WAS EINSTEIN A MUTANT? Details and arguments inside!!" Magneto was muttering to himself.

"Of course he was, someone so brilliant could not possibly belong to _homo sapiens sapiens_…Ah! Acolytes!" Magneto greeted while hastily pushing the tabloid back onto the shelf.

They all walked up to the register. The teenage cashier just stared at the giant pile of _stuff_.

OOO

THIRTY MINUTES LATER!!!

"And so," an exhausted cashier said, "your total comes to $8,645.83." He rubbed his very sore arm.

Magneto handed over his Mastercard. _No more Wal-Mart._

OOO

The Acolyte's were walking towards their S.P.H.E.R.E's when John suddenly turned and ran back to the building. He pulled out his lighter and quickly set the Wal-Mart on fire.

"Ha ha…that's 'cause they didn't 'ave lighters before…"

OOO

The Acolyte's S.P.H.E.R.E's touched down in their big metal dome. Magneto had to make a couple more S.P.H.E.R.E's to hold all the Wal-Mart merchandise, so fifteen S.P.H.E.R.E's touched down instead of the normal five.

Magneto seemed to still have a headache. He left in a huff and told his Acolytes to go, "Amuse themselves."

"I know vhat ve should do!" Piotr declared, "Color!"

"Mon ami, enfants color," Remy whined, "We're all adults!"

"Bertha is not!"

"Oi loik colorin'!" Pyro chimed in while grinning. Remy glared at him and grabbed the blue deck of cards.

"I don' wanna color!" Remy groaned while shuffling his new cards.

"Perhaps Bertha will enjoy it!" Piotr said optimistically, "Maybe she will grow up and be a great artist!"

"Don' count on it," Remy muttered.

"Let's go color, mates!" John cried enthusiastically.

OOO

Bertha had a green marker in one hand and a pink one in the other. Her picture consisted of a bunch of crazy lines criss-crossing everywhere.

Piotr had drawn three pictures. One had a beautiful Russian landscape, one was a profile of Kitty, and the one he was currently working on was a picture of everyone else drawing.

John was giggling slightly. He'd drawn a house with a tree next to it. Both were on fire. A pile of ash with a collar sat in front of the house. John had scribbled 'Remains of beloved household pet' next to it. John was in the process of adding himself into the picture.

Even Remy was coloring. He was very determinetly coloring a page solid black with a sharpie. Maybe he'd give it to Rogue for Christmas or something…seemed gothic enough.

Piotr glanced up at the clock. It was almost eight o'clock.

"So comrades, vhat shall we do tomorrow?"

OOO

**In case anyone's wondering, the picture Pyro's drawing is based on one I drew in a fit of boredom at summer camp. I might scan it and put it up if anyone's interested.**

**I believe it just took me seventeen chapters to cover two days…I gotta get a plot going…**


	18. RedEyed Freaks and Plots

**Yes, it is another short update. I'm lazy. And high school starts tomorrow ::cringe::. And I'm on the swim team, so I have lots of things competing for my time. Updates probably won't be as fast.**

**Selly- Ick. I've got Spanish too. I wanted to take sign language, but me mum wouldn't let me. Which made me sad indeed. And I needed a plot because to end a story I need a plot so there's a resolution, because eventually I'm going to run out of funny things to say or make the acolytes do. Run-on sentences rule!!!**

**EmeradKatsEye- ::snort:: I get funny images in my head when I picture that…**

**Angel of the Fallen Stars- I've scanned the pic and it should be up on me website (you can find the link in the profile). And if you can't find that website, Haruka's snap page probably has it somewhere.**

**Idypebsaby- I feel accomplished!!! It took me only ONE try to spell your name right. And I know burnt hair smells bad because my science teacher impressed this on us when we were using Bunsen burners (heh heh…fire..)**

**bobtheheadlesschicken- that name makes me giggle so much…Bohemian Rhapsody?? I love that song…then again, I also have a special place in my heart for Elton John (right next to my spots for Evanescence and Linkin Park), so what do I know?**

**L1701E- So many disturbing images…Birdy?? ::snicker::**

**Disclaimer- I used to be a square but now I'm a parallelogram.**

OOO

It was the middle of the night. Magneto sat in his office, plotting evil deeds. He rubbed his hands together the way every evil-doer does, chuckling quietly to himself. Tomorrow would be a great day indeed. With that, Magneto grabbed some paper and started writing down his evil plan.

OOO

Remy was rather ticked at his teammates. They'd hatched a rather stupid idea.

How about one of them watched Bertha all night and got the day off so the other two could sleep without worrying?

Remy had liked the plan.

Until he got picked to stay up all night.

Then the idea didn't seem so good at all.

Remy sighed and changed the channel again. Why was nothing ever on at midnight?

Just then, Magneto walked in, cackling crazily.

"Um…Magneto?" Remy asked, slightly disturbed by the sight of Magneto plotting evil things.

"I have a brilliant plan!!!" Magneto cried, "Go get your teammates so I can tell them!!!"

Remy gave him a strange look before doing just that.

OOO

Elsewhere in Bayville, a couple drove through the night towards Xavier's mansion. The women clutched a piece of paper that declared in bold, acid green text, "WE HAVE THE MOST POWERFUL MUTANT IN THE WORLD AND NOW WE'LL BE ABLE TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD BECAUSE WE HAVE HER!!! –the mutants." They were hoping that if they went to see Xavier, who was the only mutant they knew because he'd been on TV, they'd be able to get their daughter back.

OOO

"John…John…come on, get up!" Remy whined as he poked John in the forehead. John grumbled something that Remy didn't understand.

"John!! Come on!!" Remy grumbled. More indiscernible dialogue followed. Remy stopped poking him in the forehead and changed tactics.

"REMY!!! THAT HURT!!!" John screamed as he landed on his tush. Remy snickered and left to go wake up Piotr. John looked around at the remains of his now blown-up bed.

"That wasn't very nice…" John complained.

OOO

Soon, all the Acolytes were waiting in the living/rec/whatever room awaiting Magneto's glorious plan (obviously, Piotr was very easy to wake up, thereby not giving the author any sort of interesting things to write about.)

Magneto was having a glass of orange juice, just because he enjoyed be evil and making his Acolytes wait for painfully long amounts of time to hear his wonderful plans. That, and he liked orange juice.

Magneto finished his orange juice and considered getting more, but Pyro looked ready to burn something so Magneto didn't. After Wal-Mart, he couldn't afford any repair bills.

"Acolytes!! I have called you together to announce my splendiferous plan!!" Magneto cried dramatically, but the dramatics were lost on the Acolytes, none of whom knew what the word 'splendiferous' meant: they all assumed Magneto made it up.

"My original intentions towards Bertha had been to raise her until her powers manifested. But I now realize that that would take too long, so I have a better idea- why don't we just accelerate her aging process?" Magneto asked coyly. The Acolytes thought about this for several seconds, processed it, and decided how it would impact their lives.

"Would that mean no more baby-sittin'?" John asked.

"As most mutant powers manifest in early teenagers, I suppose so," Magneto replied intelligently.

"Really?" Remy asked as a strange glint came into his oh-so-wonderful red 'n black eyes.

"Yes, really. Did you not just hear my intelligent explanation?" Magneto growled.

"No more baby-sitting? You are sure of this?" Piotr asked.

"YES!!! Didn't you hear what I told Pyro and Gambit!!!" Magneto fumed.

"Okay, can we go back to bed now?" Remy asked.

"Yes. Leave my sight," Magneto ordered as he stalked off.

"Oi can't because a certain Cajun blew up moi bed!" John exclaimed. Remy looked at him for a second.

"Y' just hate me because I'm a red-eyed freak!!!" Remy yelled dramatically while making the appropriate puppy-dog eyes and sniffling, "Y' hate me because I'm DIFFERENT!!!"

"No, Oi hate you 'cause you blew up moi bloody bed!!!"

"MUTIE HATER!!! MUTIE HATER!!!"

"Will you shut up?"

Piotr looked at the feuding Remy and John, then went back to his room. He really should've joined the X-Men. At least there they had Wolverine, who could make anyone shut up.

"HYPOCRITE!!!"

"SHUT THE BLOODY 'ELL UP!!!"

Ah yes, quiet would be nice.

OOO

**YES!!! WE HAVE PLOTTAGE!!!!**

**::Minion does a kinky review dance in the hopes it will draw her reviewers::**


	19. Skwerls and Whipped Cream

**Well, I was going to upload this chapter earlier but my internet had a random moment were it just REFUSED to work, so I couldn't. And school's been cutting into my writing time, so that didn't help. Neither did the fact that I got a new Sims expansion pack...does anyone know where to get Marvel skins? I know marvel doesn't want them out...but if anyone has some and would be willing to share...::hint hint::**

**Shout-outs!!!**

**rage-girl-05- No, splendiferous is a real word (believe it or not.) It's an adjective meaning 'magnificent and wonderful.' And a lot of my ideas come from stuff me and my friends have done...I think it's a good thing!!**

**Selly and Kitty Wesley- I like stories with no plot. I just needed to get one. Or something.**

**xmengirlzrule- HAHA!!! New reviewer...I feel so loved. And you're talking to a person who rarely, if ever, reviews. I know what it's like.**

**L1701E- I haven't seen 'the fly', but I have seen clips of it and it's gross. Ugh. But...the Acolytes will botch it somehow or they'll be thwarted or something....dunno yet.**

**bobtheheadlesschicken- I know, school really sucks. Especially my huge school, which is honestly bigger than some colleges. It's 3,500 students.**

**Angel of the Fallen Stars- Hmm....::minion snickers evilly:: that could actually be pretty funny...**

**Idypebsaby- You want sanity?? You're in the wrong story...and everything will be explained...probably...**

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"And so, we'd really really like to get our daughter back!" a women wept as she finished explaining her story to the great mind known as Xavier.

"I see..." Xavier said as he held up the note written in acid-green text, "Well, I'll help you to get your daughter back!!! TO CEREBRO!!!!"

----------------------

Magneto worked all night and through most of the morning to get the ager-faster-quicky thing ready. As a result, he was quite tired, seeing as he'd been running around Wal-Mart the day previously. But now the ager-faster-quicky thing was ready to go.

It just needed to be tested.

"ACOLYTES!!! GO CAPTURE SMALL CREATURES FOR ME!!!" Magneto yelled into the intercom before grabbing a cup of coffee.

"Small creatures?" Remy looked taken aback by the strange order.

"Sweet!!! Can we burn 'em?!!" John asked while flicking his lighter.

"John..." Piotr sighed while shaking his head. He knew better than to argue.

"Wut, mate? Oi won't burn 'em THAT badly...just a little..."

"Come on!!" Remy urged, because he had a secret fear of squirrels and he'd give anything to maim the little beasties and his teammates were currently holding him back from said activity.

----------------------

Back at Cerebro, Professor X was finding some very interesting things.

"Hmm..." he murmured, "Well, the Acolytes are certainly being very active with the powers..."

"What do these Aco-wackos have to do with our daughter?!!!" the man standing behind him demanded.

"I believe I may know who your kidnappers are..."

----------------------

"GET IT!!! DON'T LET IT GET AWAY!!!" John yelled as the three Acolytes chased a squirrel. John had his lighter out and was making a wall of fire around the hapless creature. Remy was running not far behind him, while Piotr was walking far behind the pair, looking at the floor and shaking his head as if the world was a big, crazy place and he was the only sane one. Which was probably true.

"HAHA!!! We got the little bugger!!" John exclaimed as he held up the squirrel by the tail.

"Careful, mon ami!!! It'll bite y' if y' not careful!!" Remy warned, "An' everyone knows squirrels got rabies!!"

"THAT WOULD BE SO COOL!!!" John cried, "RABIES!!! Oi'd be foamin' at the mouth and bitin' people on the neck..."

"Do you not already do that, comrade?" Piotr asked as he caught up with his teammates.

"Well, yeah, but then Oi'd 'ave a reason!" John stated. He looked at the squirrel in his hands.

"Come, we had better get the squirrel back to Magneto...he is no doubt waiting anxiously for our return," Piotr said.

----------------------

Magneto was sound asleep when the Acolytes returned, as he had been up all night. John and Remy had some fun at his expense while Piotr looked on.

"Okay, now we put the whipped cream in 'is 'and..." John instructed, "an' then we need a feather! Piotr!! Go get one!!"

"Y' sure he's not gonna wake up?" Remy asked.

"Yeah, Oi'm sure!!! Where's Piotr an' that feather?"

The pair waited around for several minutes before Piotr came back holding a big white feather.

"I haf returned...but I do not think the person I took the feather from is very happy with me," Piotr said, while pointing to the window, where Angel could be seen looking very pissed off, banging on the window.

"Don' mind him," Remy said, "He can't do anyt'in'. I tried t' blow 'im up once..."

The Acolytes all went and stood behind Magneto's desk. John took the feather and started tickling Magneto with it.

"Any second now..." John giggled.

As those of you who have had this done to you know, you're asleep, and the tickling feels like a mosquito or something buzzing around your head. So what do you do?

You squash it.

And Magneto did indeed squash the 'bug.'

Resulting in whipped cream all over his face.

And a great rise in his blood pressure.

"ACOLYYYTTEEESSS!!!!!" Magneto screamed as they all ran away. Unfortunately for Magneto, the Acolytes got away. But Magneto was smart, and knew that they'd come back, because they still needed to give him the small creatures he'd sent them to capture.

"I'll get them," Magneto muttered darkly as he washed the cream off his face.

------------------

**And we have more plot. I'm guessing there'll be about six or seven more chapters. I've already gotten another story that I'm working on (I know, bad, but the idea has taken over my brain and I have to write it all down,) that'll probably be posted when this story's done.**

**Disclaimer- Yes, I DO own X-men: Evolution!!! ::holds up the contract for XEVO:: IT'S MINE!!!! MWUAHAHA!!!! ::runs from various policemen who are foolishly trying to stop her::.**


	20. Plottage and Shortness

**Ohh...I've been a bad little girl. I apologize for the wait, and the shortness of the chapter (300 words...baaaddd...), but school has been killing my imagination (isn't it supposed to do the opposite?) and I've had about five or six swim meets in the past two weeks, not to mention homework. I believe my excuses are done.**

**Pyro Lady- Thanks for your really nice reviews...and the highlights of the chapters. It really helps me know what you guys like reading.**

**eternalraven2- No, I'm sitting at my computer in my basement. I've never been to a mental institution...although that's probably where I belong...thanks for reviewing. I like that you like my disclaimers. They're selected very carefully...or not. They just pop up.**

**Selly and Kitty Weasley- Hmm...I'll have to try that...I've only found a Jean Grey skin, and it's not very good...**

**Angel of the Fallen Stars- I know...it's full of fun-fun-fun-ness.,.**

**L1701E- Street hockey? ::considers possibilities:: interesting...**

**Idypebsaby- More sane than the real world? Pray tell, what world doest thou live in? Although I could see where you're coming from...and the other story I have is very serious and dark, but I'm not sure about it because I tend to have trouble with serious stories...they're just not very good. I'm trying though.**

**xmengirlzrule- thanks for reviewing. This one's even shorter ::grins sheepishly::.**

**Queen of Gambitia- you need to write, girl!!!! And...::childish voice:: You're just jealous ::sticks out tongue::. So there. It's almost over. And you need to write more, because you're quite possibly the funniest person I know. Write. Pweese??**

**DISCLAIMER- "Don't say the number 288 in polite company...it's too gross"-my geometry teacher. Does anyone else read that and go "wtf?", or is it some inside geometry joke I wouldn't understand?**

OOO

Bertha had been having a great day. She'd gotten to color with her special markers. She'd had a great lunch of banana baby food, and then she'd had a good, long, nap.

Currently, she found seeing her babysitters duct-taped to the wall to be perfect entertainment and was giggling in the cute way babies do.

"Oye, sheila, 'elp us!!" John cried dramatically. As John was a sufferer of severe ADHD, being forced to stay in one place by a gray, hard-to-tear adhesive material was quite aggravating. Remy felt similar to John, and was wondering if it was possible for him to charge up all the duct tape and blow it up without harming himself. Piotr was happy because Bertha was happy. Magneto had confiscated the squirrel and was preparing to experiment upon it.

The squirrel was in a large metal cylinder. Magneto was nearby, fiddling with switches and wires while muttering to himself. After several minutes, he looked over to where Bertha was giggling in her playpen (which Mags had moved into his laboratory) and grinned evilly.

"It's almost time, my dear!"

And with that, he burst into a crazy, maniacal, evil-person laugh.

OOO

"Alright, my X-Men, I've called you all here because I have another mission for you!" Xavier said, "You must go and infiltrate the Acolytes' base and take back the daughter of this fine young couple!"

"The Acolytes are kidnapping people!! I KNEW they were up to something when we mysteriously ran into them and that baby at the amusement park!" Scott cried.

"You know where our daughter is?!!" the as-of-yet unnamed man asked.

"Well, like, not anymore, but we did!" Kitty chipped in.

"There is no time to lose, children. You must go now!" Xavier seemed in a strange hurry, "Logan will lead the mission."

And so the X-Men piled into their super-whooshy jet and flew off into the sunset to confront the Acolytes.

OOO

**I do believe my author's notes are longer than this chapter...whoopsie-doodle. I'll try to fix that...**


	21. Ze End of Ze World

**If this chapter's bad, my excuse is it was written in math class while I was simultaneously trying to write a flow proof about two triangles or some such nonsense. Yes.**

**For a change of pace, shout-outs will be at the bottom!!**

**Disclaimer- "So long and thanks for all the fish!!!"-_Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ (Minion wishes she was half as cool as those guys.)**

OOO

The X-Jet flew quickly through the growing darkness. Cyclops was piloting while Wolverine and Storm explained their mission.

"Apparently the Acolytes have kidnapped a small child. We're goin' to go and rescue the little tyke," Wolverine growled wolverine-ishly.

"When we get to their base we intend to confront them about this," Strom said, "We are positive that they are the culprits because of the information Scott provided us with, as well as this note," Storm held up said note, "which explains that they will rule the world now that they are in possession of the child, and since we know that the Acolytes want to rule the world, we it's them," Storm finished her somewhat unnecessary, remarkably flawed but true explanation.

"It's hard to believe the Acolytes would, like, do something so horrible and evil!" Kitty shuddered.

"Ja..." Kurt agreed.

"Well, remember team, they ARE evil!!! And while the X-Men still stand, they shall take down evil wherever it dwells, be it the highest peak of the highest mountain or the lowest crevice of HECK!!!" Scott's little pep talk received many strange looks.

OOO

Magneto cackled evilly.

"It's time!" he declared, then flipped a gynormous switch. Brilliant light swirled everywhere while a strange humming noise filled the room. The light grew too bright to bear, and the Acolytes all closed their eyes. When they opened them they all looked at the canister that had held their test subject.

Inside they beheld an old, bent-over, white-furred squirrel.

"COOL!!!" John squealed, "It's all old and white-haired like Mags!!!"

"The experiment was successful. I need to prepare the chamber for Bertha. Make sure no one interferes," Magneto ripped the duct tape off with his powers because duct tape is gray like metal is so Magneto believed it was metal and you can do whatever you believe you can do so Magneto could do it because he believed he could. And it just sounds cooler that way. And I believe I'm abusing 'because' and 'and.'

The Acolytes all hurried outside to go patrol the area for people who would interfere with their master's glorious task.

"Mates...ya think Mags' gone mad? Nobody even knows where our base is!! It's a secret!!" John declared.

"He is simply being careful," Piotr argued.

"More like paranoid," Remy snorted.

"See? Remy agrees with me!!!" John looked accusingly at Piotr.

"But is Remy right?" Piotr challenged. That led to a huge argument between the three.

OOO

Meanwhile, the X-Men had landed their super-whooshy jet in a thicket of trees where no one would ever be able to find it. They had gotten out and were starting a careful march up to the front door of the Acolyte base.

The front door of the Acolyte base was really quite the imposing sight. It rose at least fifteen feet into the air, and was a solid slab of adamantium. A fist-sized metal lion's-head door knocker was centered on it. It seemed as if the lion was glaring at them.

"Whoa...creepy..." Evan remarked.

"So how are we getting in?" Scott asked, even though he was the leader and it was his decision to make.

"Vell, I could teleport us all in..." Kurt said.

But unfortunately Kurt's dream of teleporting the whole team in and saving the day would never be fulfilled, for the Acolytes had heard the X-Men talking and were now in the process of attacking. One of Gambit's cards knocked Kurt off of his feet, and Kurt mysteriously fell unconscious, despite the fact that the card hadn't made that big of an explosion.

"Oh no!!" Bobby screamed.

"X-Men!!! ATTACK!!!" Scott yelled at the top of his lungs.

"I told you I vas right," Piotr smirked at his companions before the X-Men charged and the battle began.

OOO

Magneto glanced up at the sounds of explosions, screams, and various other battle-noises.

"The X-Men have found me!!! I shall have to be quick!!" Magneto said to no one in particular. He hurriedly set up his age-accelerating contraption and was about to put Bertha in the chamber when he noticed something.

Bertha was nowhere to be seen.

"ARGH!!!!" Magneto screamed dramatically before flying off quickly to find Bertha and complete his evil plans before the X-Men foiled them.

OOO

**Somewhat short, but that was the best place to stop.**

**rage-girl-05- I didn't know morphine induced funny dreams...hmm...where does one go about getting a flying bike?**

**Selly and Kitty Weasley- Heehee!!! I found them!!! The lack of evil characters makes me sad though...oh well.**

**EmeraldKatsEye- It might. It depends if my muse is feeling amorous or not. Or if I decide to add to the appalling proliferation of Romys out there.**

**Idpyebsaby- Well, the Acolytes aren't duck-taped anymore...and no squirrels were hurt...sadly...I have a strange hatred of squirrels...one of my friends got bit by a squirrel once, but that was because she picked it up...**

**Pyro Lady- I know!! It's not supposed to do that!!! School people spout something about stretching your mind...and it doesn't happen...ergh.**

**L1701E- Kelly and a bus?? Hmm...now there's some food for thought...**

**Angel of the Fallen Stars- Weird, you say?? My work here is done.**

**xmengirlzrule- it's especially hectic when you've just started high school, so you switched a building, and the new building is as big as a shopping mall and laid out really weird. The teachers all spout something about how the room numbers go counter-clockwise from the south entrance or something...it's weird. And seniors are scary when you're nothing but a freshman.**


	22. Revenge of someone who I can't tell you ...

**I apologize. I've been a bad little updater…**

**Disclaimer: According to my computer, a 5.9th grader could read and comprehend this.**

OOO

Magneto flew quickly through the twisting, labyrinth halls of the Acolyte base in a dead panic. How could this have happened?! He was so close to his dream of world domination!!! **_SO CLOSE!!!_** And then that cursed baby had had to go and crawl off!! **_IT WASN'T FAIR!!!_**

Life usually isn't.

OOO

Meanwhile, the battle between the Acolytes and the X-Men raged fiercely. Blows were exchanged; fires raged everywhere; and people lied limply in the dust.

Gradually, the tide turned against the Acolytes as it became apparent that the X-Men outnumbered them three to one.

"We need reinforcements!" Remy yelled over the noise of the violence.

"But who vill save us?!" Piotr cried back.

Just then, upon the horizon appeared several figures. Silhouetted by the sunset, their identity was unknown. All battle ceased at their sudden appearance. Piotr and Remy looked at each other knowingly.

"Who's that?" Evan asked.

"Whoever they are, they bettah watch out!" Rogue growled menacingly. She had absorbed Sabertooth and Cyclops somewhere along the course of the fight, so she was feeling very antagonistic, and also seemed to have developed a talent for making bold-but-cheesy remarks. Shealso developed extreme body hair, but we're not going to discuss that.

Meanwhile, the mysterious people on the hillside had started making their way down the hillside. Once the sun was out from behind them, it was readily apparent that the people were-----

OOO

Magneto collapsed in a heap. A pathetic, red-and-purple-caped and helmeted heap of super-evil villain-ness. Not that he looked particularly evil collapsed on the floor, crying pitifully about the unfairness of this cruel, cruel world.

"Nothing I do ever goes right!!! I always fail!! ALWAYS!!! Xavier wins all the time, and then goes on about how the good guys always win! Well…well…" Magneto paused to sigh dramatically.

"Why me?!" he wailed, "WHY?! I work hard! I plan stuff out! I have a team of super-mutants! Why can't _I _win?!"

Magneto broke down into a fit of hysterics, screaming "WHY?!" at the ceiling.

"Da ma?" Magneto looked up to behold Bertha sitting in front of him, chewing contently on a toy block.

"Bertha!" Magneto cried in glee. Now all of his plans were back on track!

Magneto grabbed Bertha and swung her up in a hug. They stayed that way for several minutes, until Magneto realized that he was a super-evil villain and, as such, did not hug, kiss, or otherwise coddle small children.

OOO

Meanwhile, the mysterious people on the hillside had started making their way down the hill. Once the sun was out from behind them, it was readily apparent that the people were-----

**THE BROTHERHOOD!!!** Betcha didn't see that coming!! You did? Oh poo…

"We're saved!!!" the Acolytes cheered as the BH boys swaggered down the hill, "Hooray!!!"

"The battle's not over yet!!" Scott threatened, because he could see the tide was turning against the X-Men, so he _had_ to do something.

"Yes-it-is-Summers!!!" Pietro yelled.

"How did you know we needed you?" Piotr asked as the boys joined the group of Acolytes.

"Magic," Toad answered with a wink.

The two sides lined up, the X-men facing the hill and the combined Acolytes and Brotherhood with their backs to it. Lots of growling, posturing, and general threatening happened.

"You're going down, bub!!" Wolverine snarled. Gambit smirked.

The X-Men charged. Dramatic music played.

The X-Men charged even faster. The music sped up.

The X-Men were halfway across the field!! Cymbal crash!!

Oh no!! Why aren't the Acolytes and their cohorts reacting?!

Because they had a plan, of course!! Just as the X-Men got halfway across the field, Avalanche took a dramatic pose and growled even more dramatically!! The landscape, sensing Lance's drama, started shifting around accordingly. A huge rift opened between the two sides. The X-Men, caught at full charge, could not stop in time to prevent themselves from tumbling over the edge. How horrible!! Now the X-Men are plunging to their doom!!

Meanwhile, the Acolytes and Brotherhood were cheering and hollering because they had won. As many super-evil villains can tell you, any victory forevilis something to be celebrated. Victory doesn't come easily to the dark side.

After everyone had shouting was done, John asked a question that had been on all the Acolytes' minds, for they had not heard the earlierexchange between Piotr and Toad. But then, who _really_ listens to those two?

"'Ow'd you know to come?"

Pietro grinned wickedly.

"Magic."

OOO

**I just had my 15th birthday, so none of you can complain about the long update!! NEH!!**

**Shout-outs to all my little reviewers (review and you could be on here too)**

**Chibi Nightcrawler- I do so love long reviews...you made me incredibly happy. You should feel proud of yourself. I did kinda forget about Mastermind, just because he's such a minor character, but I could bring him back…plots. I would love to see any sort of fanart involving the Flamer and the Bishie. They're amazingly absent in fanart, considering how many fans of both there are…**

**psychobunny410- I like odd. Puts the real world in focus. Nice to know you liked it!!**

**Angel of the Fallen Stars- Making people think I'm odd is the entire point of my existence. Well, I exaggerate, but it's not far from the truth…**

**Pyro Lady- Compliments make me happy. That wasn't a very philosophical discussion though, was it? (I initially had no idea what you were talking about and had to go reread my work..) Danke.**

**Idypebsaby- You'll find out what the hell happens. Oh wait, you already did…**

**xmengirlzrule- You're welcome. I hate to paint such a dismal picture though…**

**rage-girl-05- E.T., huh? I should probably see that movie…and there are ACTUALLY flying bikes? I thought you were joking at first…wow. That's cool.**


	23. Wow, look at those!

**Minion's mad right now. It took her almost a month to write chapter 22. Chapter 23 took about fifteen minutes.**

**Disclaimer- Minion only just realized, right about now, that Bertha is an OC.**

**In no particular order, shout-outs!**

**LanceIsHot- I've done the whole not-reviewing thing myself. I'm more of a lurker…thanks for reviewing though! And…I used the BH a long long time ago…**

**L1701E- Glad you liked it. And you didn't have to wait long at all!!**

**Idypebsaby- The X-Men are dead, for all intents and purposes, until I need them for plot reasons. And it was magic because I could think of nothing else. And I'm glad it was dramatic, because it's surprisingly hard to write funny battle scenes…**

**Angel-In-Black- I'm back? I never left. I was just laaazzyyyy…**

**Angel of the Fallen Stars- I think it almost borders on parody…but I'm not sure…you get a cookie for wishing me a happy b-day.**

**xmengirlzrule- you get a cookie for wishing me happy b-day!! Don't you feel special?**

OOO

Magneto delicately put Bertha in the age-faster-thing containment chamber. He carefully connected all of the small, fragile wires to the baby.

"And now, the entire world shall tremble at the name of Magneto, the Master of Magnetism™!! My name will be on the fearful lips of an entire planet!! Only one more thing to do!" Magneto prepared to flip the switch and fulfill his dream, quietly savoring the moment.

"MAGNETO!! GUESS WHAT!! We beat the X-Men!!" Pyro screamed as he ran into the room, his jubilant teammates following close behind. Magneto, annoyed at the interruption in his moment of triumph, sighed.

"Very nice, Pyro. Congratulations. Now, if you will all stand back, I have some business to complete," Magneto grinned silently to himself at the thought. The Acolytes and Brotherhood stood back at his orders. The switch was flipped.

Just like it had happened before, brilliant white light enveloped the room, blinding the mutants with its intensity. It swirled beautifully throughout the lab, sparkling and glittering. A humming noise started, growing in volume as the light suddenly grew even brighter before starting to fade.

Everyone looked anxiously to the chamber. They cheered as they saw the, well, stunningly beautiful young woman standing in front of them. As male hormones gained even more sway, catcalls joined the hollering, most likely aided by the fact that Bertha's clothes hadn't grown with her.

After taking several minutes to, ahem, enjoy the view, Magneto realized that he was the responsible adult, and as such, had to protect this poor girl.

"Acolytes!! This behavior is unacceptable!! Gambit, go fetch Bertha some clothes. The rest of you, OUT!!" Magneto yelled. The boys looked at Bertha longingly for a second, then complied with Magneto's orders and left.

"You'll have to excuse my recruits," Magneto apologized, adverting his gaze from Bertha's ahem,"They're nothing but overly hormonal teenagers. I apologize for their disgusting behavior." Bertha looked at him.

"Ga gen?" she asked while cocking her head to the side.

"Got de clothes, boss-man," Remy said as he walked back in carrying a pile of said materials. Magneto stared at the thong lying at the top of the pile, and idly wondered where Gambit could have gotten one so quickly…Magneto quickly stopped _that _train of thought before it could even start. He then turned his attention to more pressing matters.

"Excuse me, Bertha; do you understand what I'm telling you?" Magneto asked.

"Bbbbbber-ta!" Bertha blubbered jubilantly.

"Well, it would seem we have a bit of a problem, Gambit," Magneto said. Remy was too entranced by Bertha's really big cough cough.

"Stop that!" Magneto growled as he smacked Remy upside the head.

"Heh heh…sorry, cherie!" Remy laughed as he slunk out of the room to go tell the others of his little escapade…with rampant male exaggeration, of course.

"Well, it seems as though the age acceleration process has a few bugs," Magneto began a soliloquy that would hopefully explain everything, "Apparently, although Bertha's body has aged appropriately, her mind has not. She is a baby inside a woman's body! How intriguing…"

OOO  
"…and den we—"

"ACOLYTES!!! MY OFFICE!!! NOW!!!" Magneto's voice boomed over the loudspeakers, interrupting Remy's telling of a _very_ interesting story to the other Acolytes and Brotherhood boys.

The Acolytes and Pietro scrambled down to Magneto's office quickly. So quickly, in fact, that they left the hapless Brotherhood boys in the dust. The Brotherhoodians, not knowing the way to Magneto's office, looked at each other stupidly.

"So, uh, now whatta we do?" Toad asked. A thud caught the boys' attention as a creepy figure leered at them from the shadows.

"Hello boys!" the thing hissed in an Italian accent.

"Who are you?" Fred exclaimed.

"My name is Mastermind, don't fear me, I'm just the janitor…" Mastermind giggled to himself, "Just the janitor, the STINKING, STUPID, UNDERPAID JANITOR!! Those Acolytes, they're Magneto's chosen and they think they're all that AND A BAG OF CHIPS!!! But POOR OLD MASTERMIND is left in the closet to sweep dust bunnies out from under the rug and sweep up the ashes left from that creepy little pyromaniac while the ACOLYTES go off and save the world!!"

"Well, that's real nice. Uhm, since we can't really help you with that, can you tell us where Magneto's office is?" Lance asked, obviously creeped out by the strange little man.

"Wait a minute…I know you. You're those little Brotherhoodians who are WORKING to become the chosen Acolytes!!" Mastermind cried.

"Um, yeah, and to do that we need to get to Magneto's office," Toad commented.

"Oh, you're not going to Magneto's. I fully intend to keep you right here so I can work out all my pent-up anger and frustration on you."  
An evil smile carved itself into Mastermind's features as the boys looked on in horror.

OOO

**I just HAD to bring Mastermind back…whoever wanted him (I can't remember at the moment) you got him!!**

**This chapter was incredibly easy to write…**

**Lurkers out there!! Please press the review button!! I'm a lurker too, I know how hard it is, but please try!! For me?? puppy dog eyes**


	24. Sabertooth's Bathroom and Confettie

**Has it really been a month since I last updated? It can't be...**

**Oops.**

**Shout-outs!**

**Queen of Gambitia- Are you trying to insinuate something?**

**DragonMaster02- YAY!! I made someone fall on the floor. You have no idea how happy this makes me. Thank you!**

**psychobunny410- Thanks for the review! You made me a happy girl.**

**Chibi Nightcrawler- Thanks...and I think maybe it _is_ for the best that I don't know what's up with the hoe...although maybe I do...I don't know. I can't see the link you gave me for some reason...and I also know the X-men in tights video. Tis funny.**

**Pyro Lady- Thanks for the suggestion! And the review!**

**rage-girl-05- Whadda ya mean you don't believe that? Are you a mastermind fan? Are there mastermind fans? ::ponders this:: Thanks for the review!**

**Angel of the Fallen Stars- Maybe I'll use that idea. I have none of this planned out, so I really don't know. Maybe.**

**LanceIsHot- Nope, he doesn't. It makes him very sad.**

**Idypebsaby- Thanks for reviewing! You'll find it all out...eventually.**

**xmengirlzrule- thongs...::shudders:: I'm on the swim team, and we all change out of our swimsuits in the locker room...and...thongs...ishkey. They're ishkey**

**Disclaimer- Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!!**

OOO

Everything was silent in Magneto's austere office. The Acolytes watched Magneto carefully. Despite his earlier, apparently urgent, summons, Magneto had yet to address the boys. He sat behind his ornate desk, head resting on tightly clasped hands, brow furrowed and expression dark. Finally Pietro, being the impatient one, demanded:

"Well?! What-did-you-call-us-down-here-for?!"

Magneto glanced up, seeming very annoyed by Pietro's interruption.

"It would seem I made a slight error when I created the machine that accelerated Bertha's aging process. Although her body is that of a mature woman—"

"Got dat right..."

"—Her mind retains the characteristics of a baby," Magneto finished, glaring at Gambit for his interruption.

"So-what-do-we-do?" Pietro demanded.

"Maybe if we use _our_ powers than Bertha would want to use 'ers!" Pyro suggested.

"That's-stupid," Pietro said.

"You got a suggestion?" John retorted.

"No, but-that-doesn't-stop-your-idea-from-being-stupid!"

"We will use Pyro's suggestion," Magneto interrupted, "Since, for now, it is the only thing we can do."

OOO

Bertha was dressed in what looked like a big white sack. Magneto was _not_ going to dress anyone; he was the Master of Magnetism, not some girl's personal slave.

He also didn't want to be that close to her and her ahems.

"Alright, Bertha. We're going to try something. Watch me," Magneto commanded as he used his powers to lift a fork off a nearby table, "Can you try to do something like that?"

The only response he got was a gurgle. Several bubbles formed around Bertha's mouth and popped. She giggled when they did.

"Y' know, dat's really disturbin', 'specially when it's comin' from a really hot femme," Remy commented.

"You said it, mate."

"I do not believe you can think of Bertha like that! We haf practically raise her! She is like a daughter," Piotr exclaimed.

"Homme, we baby-sat her for a week. She ain't our daughter."

"Besides," John giggled," It's not like we want to do _that_ with 'er! That's cradle-robbin'! She was a fetus when I turned seventeen! It's gross!"

Magneto, meanwhile, was still using the fork to try to entice Bertha into using her powers. He was finally rewarded when Bertha's hands started glowing.

"Yes!" Magneto cried in triumph. The Acolytes paused to watch in awe.

Bertha's hands glowed a light blue color. Slowly, little specks of sparkly material began to float down from her hands.

"OH! Magic dust!" John cried as he stuck his hand under the stream and sprinkled the shiny stuff all over himself, "I can fly, I can fly..." John sang as he paraded around the room.

"It's confetti," Remy said as he grabbed John and examined the silvery particles.

"Confetti? How's-that-a-super-powerful-mutation?" Pietro asked.

"Maybe it's poisonous!" John yelled excitedly as he sucked on a confetti-encrusted hand.

"What'd be de point of dat? Who eats confetti?" Gambit pointed out.

"I do!" John shouted, "It tastes like strawberries!"

Magneto had been watching the whole affair with an air of detachment. He had been pondering the recent turn of events.

So Bertha was _not_ this super-powerful mutant Charles had been talking about, unless she had more than one power. That seemed unlikely; Jean Grey was the only mutant bestowed with two powers. Magneto gave a frustrated sigh. Nothing _ever_ went his way.

OOO

Mastermind cackled in fiendish glee. The entire Brotherhood was under his command. They were all scrubbing out Sabertooth's bathroom. This was usually Mastermind's job; although Pyro had to do it once after burning Magneto's original plans for world domination. Magneto had tried to recreate them, but he couldn't remember the details. As Magneto was found of saying, nothing ever went his way.

Sabertooth's bathroom was infamous among the Acolytes. When the team had first been assembled, Magneto got his own bathroom, and Sabertooth, Gambit, Pyro, Mastermind, and Colossus had shared one. Over time, Gambit's complaints of hair clogging the drain constantly and Colossus's wailing over "all of zhe poor animals that are decapitated in zhe bathroom!" finally wore Magneto down and he assigned Sabertooth a private bathroom. Everyone else still shared, but it was a vast improvement.

When Sabertooth moved into his own bathroom, what little consideration he had for his teammates vanished and things spiraled downhill. Even more dead, decapitated mice, squirrels, and gophers appeared. Neither the sink nor the shower could drain anymore; Sabertooth's shedding prevented that. The whole place smelled rancid, and the once-white tiles were stained an interesting mixture of red, brown, and green (no one could figure out where the green came from).

Lance was using his bare hands to carry out the mutilated bodies of the rodents and chuck them out into the woods surrounding the base. Fred was on his hands and knees, scrubbing the grout with a toothbrush. Mastermind thought the toothbrush added a nice touch. Toad had a toothpick and was attempting to unclog the hair from the drain with it.

Mastermind chuckled evilly. It was so much fun making people do stuff with his crazy mental powers.

OOO

**I need to get better at updating again...this sat on my hardrive for a good two or three weeks.**

**You know what's crazy? The 90's X-Men cartoon. It's...odd. Gambit's voice scares me.**


	25. FIN

**I'm sorry it took so long...again. Writer's block, plus finals at school and a new quarter, which means all new classes, plus my internet flatly refused to work. And on top of all that, I found out that my kitty has diabetes! Not a good time for me...**

**This was really hard to end. My muse sensed that it was ending, and thus diverted my attention to all of my incomplete one-shots. So I wrote this muse-less, andI have a very bad feeling you all are going to _hate_ me after this chapter. _Hate_ me.**

**This is the end.**

**The last shout-outs...until I post something else...I feel so sad...**

**darK crimsoN teaRs- Writer's block, dearie. And finals. Finals suck. And the fact that I can't end anything to save my life. Thinking up an ending, even this crappy one, was hard. Really hard.**

**Sagistar- I like kudos. Thanks for reading, oh supreme ruler of heck and insufficient light.**

**Pyro Lady- the X-men are dead, remember? Silly goose, thanks for reviewing.**

**Idypebsaby- Am I the only one who thought the confetti was really clever? I was torn between making her a Mary-Sue and making her _like_ a mary-sue but not really. **

**Angel of the Fallen Stars- It was supposed to be lame! That's the point. I'm trying to push Magneto to a psychotic breakdown.**

**xmengirlzrule- I tried to update soon, I really did. Sorry 'bout that. Thanks for reviewing.**

**psychobunny410- John cracks me up too. I love him so much. I couldn't grow up to that show, because I think I was a year old when it started...I might have watched it, but I can't remember it now. And...it's not so bad, it's just a bit different from the Remy-voice I know.**

**Disclaimer- And then the bunnies came, and the music notes didn't stand a chance...**

OOO

Piotr, John, Remy, and Pietro had long ago been kicked out of the lab Bertha was currently inhabiting. Magneto had work to do, and, quite frankly, he was sick of the boys ogling Bertha constantly. Magneto had been running experiments and tests and whatnot, looking for some way to make Bertha into this super-powerful mutant.

He had tried everything. Really, truly, _everything_. Not just _almost_ everything, not just all _plausible_ options, not just all _logical_ courses of action. No, Magneto had really exhausted every option and explored every possibility. He had come up with nil. Nothing. Nada. There was no possible way that Bertha could _possibly_ be some superpowered mutant. Heck, she was barely worthy of being called mutant at all. Her powers were nothing short of worthless.

Magneto was certain he was going insane. he couldn't remember how long he'd been pouring over equations and formulas and theories and other scientifical things. He could barely remember which ones he'd tried. Maybe the bourbon he'd confiscated from Gambit had something to do with that...Magneto jerked himself back to the present.

From his experiments and ponderings, Magneto had come to this conclusion.

He gave up.

OOO

"Acolytes! We're goin' on a lil' trip!" Magneto slurred as he staggered into the Acolyte's living room. John immediately ran to find the camcorder, because it wasn't every day Magneto got drunk and acted like an idiot. Remy smirked.

"An' just where are we goin' on dis 'lil' trip'?" Remy asked.

"We're goin' to Charles' place!" Magneto shouted as John came running back.

"I'm gettin' it all, mates!" he cried as he put the camcorder to his eye.

"We are going to the X-Men's home?" Piotr questioned.

"I give up! They can..." Magneto trailed off and stared into space for a moment, apparently mesmerized by a dust particle, "They can have their stupid lil' baby back!"

"But she's so beautiful!" Remy and John cried simultaneously.

"You said you were not thinking of her like that!" Piotr accused. Remy and John just pouted.

"Come on, my boys, into the car!" Magneto cried giddily, "Someone go get...that one girl..."

And so they piled into the cars, off on another whirlwind adventure.

OOO

Xavier was mourning the untimely deaths of all of his students. Bertha's parents were off in the corner, looking uncertainly at each other, and occasionly twitching when Xavier's wails of "WHY!" got too loud.

That's when the sleek black car pulled up the manshion's driveway.

"OH CHARLES!" Magneto screamed, still in a world of drunken insanity.

"Magnus?" Xavier asked knavishly as he looked up from his anguished grieving. His face contorted in rage.

"HELLO CHARLES! I'VE COME TO GIVE HER BACK! I DON'T WANT HER ANYMORE!" Magneto yelled from the driveway.

"Magnus..." Xavier growled, completely ignoring Magneto's words. Bertha's parents looked up at the mention of 'her.'

"Who's 'she?'" Bertha's dad yelled from Xavier's study where he'd been hiding.

"This...person," Magneto shouted back while using his magic magnetic powers to float Bertha up to the window. Bertha's parents looked at Bertha.

"DARLING!" they cried in unison as they ran and hugged their long-lost daughter, whom they recognized even though she was now a teenager and very very old and not at all resembling her baby self. It's one of the skills of parents. They always know everything.

Xavier had wheeled up to the window, ignoring the happy reunion of parents and child.

"MAGNUS! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" Xavier screamed. Magneto looked at him in total drunken confusion.

"YOU KILLED MY X-MEN!" Xavier screeched.

"What?" Magneto asked, completely and utterly confused, as he was not at the battle when the X-Men all died.Unfortunately, his ignorance would not save him.

With a final tortured wail, Xavier launched a psionic attack on Magneto and the Acolytes. Magneto, who had forgotten in his drunkeness to wear his beloved helmet, was struck full force by the attack, which caused his powers to go haywire. All of the Acolyte's powers reacted the same.

In fact, Xavier was so overcome by grief that he mis-calculated the attack, and every mutants' power started going berserk.

Magneto's powers made the earth's magnetic field go all kinky, and geese started to crash into each other in the sky(1).

Pyro's powers caused all of the fires in the world to grow bigger. And bigger. And BIGGER.

Colossus, Quicksilver, Toad, and Blob's powers did nothing because, well, they're lame. The powers, not the people.

Mastermind's powers made everyone think they were cool British rock stars.

THE Scarlet Witch's powers made a comet crash into Russia, where the crazy Russian spies live.

Other mutants' powers did other stuff.

Bertha made some confetti in the corner.

And to top it all off, Gambit's powers charged up the earth and it exploded in a giant fireball of kinetic energy, killing everything and everyone.

Alas.

There's nothing more to tell, as now everyone is dead.

Tah-tah!

OOO

**(1) Geese navigate using magnetic fields, unless I'm being stupid, thus they would crash into each other or something if the fields were being not were they should be! So there.**

**That was a really lame ending, a la "Monty Python and the Holy Grail." Have you seen the ending for that? It's so "WTF?"**

**That's the end folks...I'm gonna miss you all.**

**I'm so sad right now. I'll go work on another story...or watch TV.**

**I bid you all adieu!**

**FIN**


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